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ROUND AND ABOUT
by Judas Iscariot - Easter (PAYDAY) 2004

The DWP troops are waiting to go over the top on a new SERWOTKA offensive, gritting their teeth and hoping for the best. DWP fuhrer, SIR RICHARD MOTTRAM, thinks he’s imposed a settlement (the rubbishy offer that was rejected in January) and he’s dismissing the action as “pointless”. That remains to be seen. Meanwhile PCS has opened up a new front, instructing their lawyers to inform KEVIN SHITE that unless DWP Management immediately cease use of the quota system and relative assessment in PDS, PCS will commence proceedings in the High Court.

BUSTER MOTTRAM thinks it’s all over and hopes that his FIFTH COLUMN will undermine the resistance. Unfortunately for him the usual gaggle of Management toadies are remarkably quiet these days. None of them wants to jeopardise their election chances – least of all in the SFTO stakes.

Needless to say the LUNITY machine swept the nominations for HUGH LANNING and LEON BAUGH into three figures (107 and 115 respectively). But much to LANNING’S dismay there is actually going to be a contest. STEEL & NEWLYN have scraped through the noms barrier with 28 and 26 nominations though the Moderati, as expected failed to stay the course with CURRIE at 21 and just 16 for HANSON.

CURRIE made repeated overtures to the IR ME FIRSTERS for a deal but the MAD MONK was having none of it. PRIESTLEY didn’t need their albatross-like support and he knows that at the death they will have to back his chosen sons at the vote.

SAPPHIRE & STEEL, hardly household names outside the Revenue, kicked off with a robust campaign based on an anorak website, some leaflets, a dodgy mailing list and a legion of sycophants posting messages on the Indie claiming to be “lefties” who have seen the light. The dynamic duo’s attempts to reinvent themselves as men of the people, when they are in fact nothing more than useless timeservers like the rest of them, will give them a credible vote but they are unlikely to overcome the LUNITY juggernaut.

Of course there is considerable disquiet over LANNING in the dedicated left camp. SOCIALIST CAUCUS didn’t have an alternative and they didn’t want to carry the can of splitting the left vote if they put up a no-hoper like LEE ROCK against him. But STEEL is not an option for them.

LUNITY know that LANNING will have to do as he’s told and in any case he’s only got one term before he retires to spend more time with his money.

The Moderati are, as usual, in complete disarray. STUART CURRIE still calls himself “leader” but all he controls is the piss-poor Moddie website and their FUNDS. The Moderati Maidens on the NEC are well and truly in PRIESTLEY’S pocket and the JOCKOCRACY is looking for an exit strategy. BOYLE, McCANN, GORDON & Co are talking about reviving the old DIM LEFT as a new “left of centre” group possibly with the dregs of BL’84 currently in LUNITY. But all that this means is that this largely full-timer based clique wants to distance themselves from the Mods altogether in exchange for a quiet life until they pick up their golden handshakes.

How time flies! DOREEN PURVIS, The grand old dame of Geordie Trotskyism said goodbye to Newcastle Central Office for the last time on 7th February when she hanged up her clogs for good at the venerable age of 60.

The once great scourge of the Moderati and CPSA Veep held three bashes and large quantities of strong spirit were downed at all of them. PURVIS, known as AGENT WIDE in PFL circles, held court in the Newcastle Irish Centre as a glittering galaxy of old comrades drank themselves silly in her honour.

BARRINGTON FUGE, ED SPENCE and STEVE FARLEY were all there living it up on their full timers wages. JOHN SHIP, an ex-CPSA NEC TROT from the past turned up with his new Dutch wife CISKA.

KEVIN MCHUGH, fresh from his Christmas fall down the Tyneside metro escalator (8 stitches and broken ribs), and desperate to hog the stage did a drag act as “Madame Purvis”. This did not go down well with the old crone. Eventually the drunks departed for nightcaps in a Jesmond hotel that was prepared to serve them. Still, Purvis did better than BERNIE WILLIAMS who had 3 men and a dog at his bash.

And still in Geordie land, FATTY COX is making a bid for power by standing for the PCS Appeals Committee. Members should be aware that he is known as "That fat bastard on the bench" by the customers of EAST BEDLINGTON MAGISTRATES COURT where he dispenses "justice" as a magistrate. Strange that Joe did not find it fit to state in his election address that he was a beak, or about his Taxi company – who knows how he finds time to be a Civil Servant!

And its bibi to TED ELSEY, another IR ME FIRSTER no one’s ever heard of outside the Revenue. TED took his gold watch last month and bored us all to death with a farewell speech calling on everyone to get on with each other and get on with the job, that lasted 30 minutes. The only welcome break was an intervention by TERRY COLLINS, who threatened to deck LOATHSOME LANNING during the proceedings. TERRY, the former Olympic runner who fell on hard times and now works at FALCONCREST, had clearly overindulged when he went for HUGO mouthing obscenities and was easily restrained.


“All those men have their price”
Horace Walpole
18th century English author, famous for his letters and Gothic romances