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ROUND AND ABOUT
BY JUDAS ISCARIOT - APRIL 2008

We return to the dugouts on Monday following the Spring Break offensive with the teachers last Thursday that closed schools throughout England and Wales. The NUT were jubilant at the success of their action - the first for 21 years and the mood was jovial at Chateau Falconcrest. Our turn-out was higher than expected, though much of this was due to the fact that Management had allowed paid and unpaid leave in advance to parents forced to look after their brats when the schools shut down. But while the guns blaze, election fever grips the front-line and across the country as attempts are made to gain control our beloved union.

4TM have embraced all the former MODERATI and they're banking on them to garner the old BARRY low-caste vote in the NEC elections but this is not to the liking of PRIESTLEY & Co. The Revenue old guard are worried that the Moderatis will only further weaken the grip of the high-castes in 4TM and they're concerned that their crude RED SCARE tactics will only alienate the PCS Democrats that the MAD MONK has sought to woo from day one of the split in the old ME FIRST bloc.

Mind you, the old Mod bloc carries a huge number of votes with it: these are all the members who bother to vote and don't want to vote LU. The GRANDEES are officially in panic mode, JANICE has resorted to ECT or something similar to make her hair stand on end, judging by her election photo. We're surprised she doesn't use the GLENYS MORRIS technique of using the same pic year after year from the '70's when she probably alluded some charm.

But 4TM must be serious this time as JOE (Le Taxi) COX and his mates have been out leafleting in GEORDIELAND. This is quite remarkable as COX normally does not bother at all. This year he has stood outside Benton Park View - his own office (and epicentre of Grandee McHUGH ) and bravely refused to give JEAN MANUEL (HMRC BPV & LU member ) a 4TM leaflet.

Our rotund hero then moved on to DWP Tyneview Park, home of NEC member MARY FERGUSON, where along with WILLIE SAMUELS (who just stood around) he was observed by a Management lackey jumping out into the road to pass his 4TM leaflets to incoming cars. This caused confusion amongst members who at one stage thought that a mini roundabout had been installed !

DAVID STEAD Branch Ass Sec of TVP was asked by Management to intervene and stop the car blockage. STEAD (who now insists on being addressed as DAVID when for years he has been known as DAVE ) denied that he knew the offenders and said it was "all unofficial". The day ended with COX receiving a stern email from DWP Management asking him to stop impersonating traffic hazards.

LU have also been active. The almost equally rotund McHUGH (NEC) was seen outside COBALT DWP passing out his wares and at BALLIOL PARK HMRC MARY FERGUSON (NEC ) and NEIL SIMPSON (DWP TVP) were accosted by Branch Secretary LES BROWN who declared that it was a disgrace that his members were being leafleted.especially as he had not given permission.

BROWN, an ex RAF man who runs the branch a bit like the NORTH KOREAN leader (but without KIM JONG IL's sense of humour and dress style) should chill out, as by his own admission he is awaiting a heart by pass op.

Meanwhile the full-time loafer in Newcastle, TOADY JARVIS, has to be congratulated on organising the launch of the first PCS credit union. ...alas this took place on 24th April when a lot of members were otherwise engaged in strike action and attending rallies.

Earlier in the month the GRANDEES invited 4TM presidential-hopeful JOHN MOFFAT to a public debate with JANICE GODRICH in Glasgow. But MOFFAT, who is a piss-poor speaker, declined arguing "that such an isolated and potentially partisan event would be poorly attended and of interest only to PCS members who are already very clear where their electoral inclination and loyalty lies".

The LU Grandees had not made the same offer to CHRISTINE HULME and they doubtless assumed that poor JOHN would decline. But instead of calling the Grandees bluff and demanding hustings for all the candidates across the country as was done in CPSA days, MOFFAT simply called for an "open forum" for all the presidential wannabees in the journal or an all members circular, which was predictably ignored given the long-standing objection of LUNITY to ballot "inserts" in CPSA.

Convicted criminal PHIL PARDOE has now left for the happier climes of full-time work for the NUT but not without a parting shot against HOWARD FULLER who runs the 4TM propaganda department in London. MR PUNCH has filed a RULE 10 complaint claiming that FULLERSHIT had brought the union into disrepute by branding him an "anti-semite" in an email exchange witnessed by by a large number of London DWP activists. HELLBOY has responded with his own Rule 10 complaint alleging that by copying half the known world into the correspondence, Mr Punch has breached confidentiality. I'm sure Mark has better things to do with his time than separating a pair of dinosaurs....

Pardoe's departure marks the end of the SWP in DWP in London. Pass the hankie.

Meanwhile the Artists formerly known as the Socialist Caucus can barely get their act together. A THIRD of their Imaginary Left NEC slate didn't quite make it onto the ballot paper. Those on the roll of the fallen are CHRIS HICKEY, CHRIS HULME (not double-banked with an NEC nom), both KENNY'S, and GILL WHITTAKER. Apparently the Kenny's had declined nomination and GILL WHITAKER sent her papers in late. Ho hum..the revolution will have to wait another year.

KEVIN KELLY is training on Land Registry work and swans into work wearing designer specs. He alternates between his Louis Vuitton satchel and his Christian Dior Bag. In London this would not create a stir, however the workers in DURHAM think he is a bit odd.

In HMRC JOHN VIRTUE has resigned from the LU steering Committee. VIRTUE, a careerist along the lines of FERRET, has used LU to get on the list and if elected hopes to go on to bigger things. He may find life a bit different if he gets onto the GEC.


PFLCPSA NEWS

This is probably the final web posting before Conference, so start saving your dosh now to assist us in producing your Daily Communiqué - first one on the Monday. T shirts will be reasonably priced and available from Sir Woy.

Sadly, the only motion this year mentioning PFLCPSA has been "D" marked (can be dealt with by correspondence). Only it's been misprinted. We cannot believe that the SOC do not know who the PFL is because they spelled it correctly later on, well almost. We believe the misspelling is either deliberate or the proff ridder needs to be shot slowly. The SOC should not rely on what their spellchecker offers. Or possibly the Duke of Edinburgh and MI5 are responsible, in which case we'll make our escape in our white Fiat Uno...(D marking = D for Diana - we rest our case!). The Motion, 512, is reprinted below. If anyone knows who PAL CAPS are, do let us know. Incidentally, the motion was NOT written by the PFL General Command, or it would have been "A" marked and heading the section. We applaud the sentiment nonetheless.

D512

Conference, we live in the information age. For too long as civil servants we have lagged behind the private sector. With the introduction of the internet and new technology we as civil servants have come out of the dark information age that has held us back from fulfilling our full potentials.

Conference there is a rise in the civil service taking people to task over looking at dodgy betting sites such as the National lottery on the internet.

Members have been represented for having evil pictures on their PCs of Civil Servants holding up fishes or wearing football shirts. We now have another farce to add to the list as the PAL CAPS site has been added to the banned sites at PCS HQ.

The Chaps at popular front take a lyrical and satirical look at PCS life.

Often they are the only way of activists knowing what is going on in PCS. They seem to have a sly dig at left and right which makes them refreshing. Conference please instruct our employees at PCS HQ to take this site off the banned list. This will allow any access to the glorious silliness which is our beloved institution of PFL CPSA. Also it will be a shining light to our sister union GMB not to start the restrictive practices of the government.

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London Marathon "getting easier" claim critics

the final results of the Capital's most famous race are in the public domain.

A record number of runners are expected to cross the finish line, leading critics to claim it has been made easier.

Figures show that over the past 2,500 years the numbers of successful marathon runners has risen from just one to over 35,000 in the London event alone.

Sir Charles Copgrove from the British Running Foundation added that the original marathon had been ".. run in bare feet over battlefields.".... whereas the London event was "....on the flat or downhill most of the way, with refreshments served every half mile."

What was once the preserve of Olympic standard athletes has now been "..flooded by accountants dressed as gorillas, jangling buckets."

Secretary of State for Sport, Andy Green, rebuked Sir Charles' accusations saying that the improvements were due to sustained investment in school PE teachers by the Government.

Sports cars to display drivers' penis size

The Government has decreed that all high-powered sports cars will have to comply with a new law designed to reduce carbon emissions. From January 1st all cars with an engine size of greater than three litres will have to display a separate license, similar to a taxi plate, clearly stating the size of the driver's penis.

Porsche have claimed that their decision to withdraw completely from the UK market on the same date is 'entirely coincidental' and denied that their customers would be the worst affected.

Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson blasted the idea before announcing that he had succumbed to 'Global Warming guilt' and was downgrading his car to a one point three Renault. 'Little' Richard Hammond however was surprisingly seen at the Ferrari showroom smugly ordering a top of the range model and an illuminated plate.

Other British drivers have been lobbying the Government to embrace the metric system so that six inches may appear as a bold fifteen cm.. Female motorists welcomed the move and are exempt from the law by default. 'It's not just a matter of anatomy' explained the Transport Minister. 'Very few women are attracted to these brash and expensive vehicles, though the ones that are might have to display the penis size of their footballer husband.'

Another law was blocked by SUV drivers who won an appeal against their IQs being displayed on their cars. It was successfully argued that in the vast majority of cases the simple 4×4 multiplication on the back of their vehicles already gave the correct answer.
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