THE POPULAR FRONT FOR THE LIBERATION OF CPSA
FREEDOM! UNITY! SOCIALISM!
REVOLUTION UNTIL VICTORY!
MAGAZINE - AUTUMN 1982
THE WASHING OF THE SPEARS
Horrific injuries have been sustained on many of the General Staff officers. Col. MARSHALL HERBERT CLARKE, affectionately known as `Chuckie' to the men, received an assegai between his legs, causing severe brain damage. Capt. WIGLEY-THING was shot in the head whilst stabbing one of the attackers in the back. Lieut. JUDGE, the hero of RORKES DRIFT, was felled by a fatal blow to the bank balance inflicting yet another wound to the famous arm. Subaltern WILDE attempted to rally the men with an injunction but was blown to bits by the ZULU warrior USAMMISSILE.
Capt. MURDOCH, l am appalled to report, acted in a manner not befitting an officer and a gentleman. Shortly after the onset by the savages he discarded his uniform, aligned himself to the left horn of the ZULU formation and pledged allegiance to HARDINGO. As the battle raged I could see that the position was hopeless and speedily departed on my balloon to the nearest Telegraph Office. There I filed this despatch with a trembling hand and a sorry heart.
STATEMENT OF CHANGES - EXCESSIVE ABSENCE
1. Due to the excessive number of absences during the past year it has become necessary to put the following new rules and procedures into effect immediately. These changes will not affect civil servants currently stationed abroad. New regulations will be announced later for those civil servants stationed abroad together with their spouses and dependants.
2. The existing sick leave regulations are now suspended, and a doctor's certificate will no longer be acceptable as proof of sickness. If a civil servant is able to attend a doctor's Surgery, attendance at work is possible. The alternative of self-certification will remain operative, but all pay will be suspended for the duration of the self-certification period.
3. Death, other than that of a civil servant is of no consequence. There is nothing that can be done for the departed and henceforth no paid leave will be granted for funerals. As this may cause some hardship Departments are authorized to point out the special scheme with the Ministry of Defence for lunch-time burials thus ensuring that no time is lost from work.
4. In respect of the death of a civil servant, absence will be recognized as legitimate.
5. Leave of absence for operations will not be considered except in exceptional circumstances unless the civil servant can produce evidence of need from a private medical insurance scheme. National Health Service certificates will not be considered reasonable cause' for paid absence.
6. Visits to the Toilet have also increased over the past year. Far too much time is spent on this particular practice. In future all civil servants shall go in alphabetical order. EXAMPLE: Those with a surname beginning with the letter `A' will go from 9.00 to 9.15 a.m. etc. Those unable to attend at the appropriate time of day will have to wait the following day when their turn would come up again.
7. Departments are asked to implement the changes immediately
8. Departments should substitute the attached revised pages for the corresponding pages of the Code
9. Enquiries should be addressed to Mr. R E Grinlinton (01-273 5551 or GTN 273 5131) or Mr. C A Sharp (01-273 5131 or GTN 373 5I3I).
Authorised by D W RAYSON (HM Treasury) File reference HOA 28/243/01 Date of issue: 12 September 1982 ___________________________________________________________
ROUND AND ABOUT
Gloom and despondency are filling the hearts of the greedy who lusted after the coveted National Organizer Post. Following a bitter faction fight between the MENDICANT (which favoured FRANK TAYLOR) and the COMMISSAR PARTY, an obscure harpy, Ms JANE HUSTWIT from the ASTMS was awarded the fabulous post and purse. Nominated by aging playboy ASTMS fulltimer, JIM TERRY, and the TUC's finest son, Norman WILLIS, brother of the playwright TED, MS HUSTWIT's main hobby is boring the millions with her specious views on women's liberation.
Talking about women's liberation, the NEC's women's subcommittee has met, and endured a three hour lecture by an obscure Welshwoman, OLWEN OSMOND, who had to cut her monologue short when CHRIS KIRK informed her that she had to go home and get RAY'S tea ready. Back at the ranch, KEVIN RODDY's broom is sweeping clean. Now, NEC members will have to pay for their cherished gold-rimmed diaries, though TONY need not worry, the LAVENDER HILL deal is still going through. Now, the highly lucrative plot is being planned for the projected site of the joint CPSA-SCPS Palace when the unity talks have been concluded. Whether Mr. RAYWOOD is charging rent for the present incumbents, a GYPSY BAND which have at least put the site to some good use, remains to be seen.
Not seen at the trough recently has been Mr. JOHN ELLIS, who has spent the past month on vacation in DISNEYLAND. It is believed that the mysterious hand of RAY SHUTTLEWORTH had something to do with it. Nice one Ray, it'll look good in the COUNTRY TEAM MINUTES!
BIG JOHN need not worry, his foams DIANE WARWICK is soon to travel to the warmer climes of the Association of University Teachers, once she has swept aside the bleating of the AUT COMMISSARS who are making a last ditch attempt to prevent her taking up the General Secretaryship.
The DAYLIES GROUP are however sitting pretty, confident of the return to power of Mde LOSINSKA, following the ruin of CHARLIE IDIOT in a sea of costly litigation and the collapse of NODDY at the polls. This no doubt explains the lack of press interest in the fate of IDIOT's forays into the Courts.
ONE STRUGGLE, ONE FIGHT!
FROM BALHAM TO PALESTINE,
REVOLUTION UNTIL VICTORY!