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THE POPULAR FRONT FOR THE LIBERATION OF CPSA
FIGHTING ON IN OUR 40th YEAR

FREEDOM! UNITY! SOCIALISM!
ONE CIVIL SERVICE UNION,
ONE GLORIOUS DESTINY!

REVOLUTION UNTIL VICTORY!

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CONFERENCE 1983

 

MONDAY

BRIGHTON STADIUM
BAGS

CPSA GOLDEN COLLAR MATCH FOR DOGS AND BITCHES

1500 metres

7.45
1 KUTIE KATE - b.gold/white, crossed keys - Croydon, Wyatt
1-81 Btn, ep,blk,th. od,fw. 1401 lbs

2 RED RODDY - red.Newcastle, Grant.
1-82 Btn, ld,st, nv. ch. 120 lbs

CPSA V.P. GOLD CUP HURDLE - OPEN RACE


8.02
1 ALDERSON - red. North, McLennan
1-82 Btn,ep,nv ch. 1501 lbs

2 BRANDSTATTER - black. Fulham, Bukharin
0-82 Btn, sl. st. n hy, w. btn 100 lbs

3 CHAMBERS - b. yellow, Enfield, Walls
newcomer 290 lbs

4 PEMBERTON
- purple, Monte Carlo, Aga Khan
0-82 Btn, sl.st. nvr lky w btn. 100 lbs

5 WOOD - pink, Clapham, Silkin
1-82 Btn, alys fm, gd ld, fw. 100 lbs

FRANK TAYLOR'S S.P. FORECAST
2/5 KUTIE KATE, 2 RODDY
13/1 RIGHT NEC, 5/2 LEFT NEC
All bets taken after 12.00 noon Tuesday will be void and stakes returned. Rule 4 applies.

HAWKEYE'S HINTS
KUTIE KATE
Trainer says her usual fast trapping may be affected by her recent training setback (slipped disc) but she remains a fine bitch who is likely to lead last years winner RED RODDY from start to finish.

MAN AT THE TRACK
KUTIE KATE
KUTIE KATE has improved dramatically following her transfer from Charlie Elliot's kennels following his suspension from the Kennel Club for irregularities at recent trials. He has six months of his suspension to serve before he regains his licence, a grave blow to the Northern Trainer. The virus sweeping the Militant kennels has hit RED RODDY, the cock of the north.

SELECTION: KUTIE KATE
DANGER: RED RODDY
ALTERNATIVE: DRAW

ALDERSON
Despite PEMBERTON's sparkling trial at Monte Carlo, I am a great fan of this Licensed Victuallers' dog though the game CHAMBERS could cause problems. ALDERSON does not favour right hand bends and this might flaw an otherwise superb performance. WOOD remains a danger but BRANDSTATTER has clearly made a wasted journey from Fulham.
SELECTION: ALDERSON
DANGER: WOOD
ALTERNATIVE: CHAMBERS

____________________________________________________________

YOUR COURTS TODAY
Despite the apparent absence of Ben Hooberman from Brighton's best watering holes this weekend solicitors need not weep. SYLVIA PARRY, famed heroine of the MOD has threatened to take the publishers of an offensive Red rag to the cleaners if she can only find out who they are
.
While largely unknown outside the seedy denizens of the MOD and Clive Bush's office, `Assegai' reaches levels of wit and satire never seen before in the Union & copies can be obtained from Messrs THRING of BATH or from RICKY WIGLEY in the Conference Hall.
Mr Stuart Harding, Hon. Pres. of the MOD Ganja Farmers Union is 14.

MORE COURT NEWS
Mrs. Losinska's victory celebrations tonight at the OLD SHIP HOTEL will not however deter the struggle to smash the vicious grip of extremism amongst the Corporate Trustees. Thee major target being the reformed Scottish gangster and TV personality, BILLY BOYLE who has incurred the wrath of Mgr M DOBIE for revealing further details of the now scrapped LAVENDER HILL scandal. Mgr Dobie, while seeking to improve the chances of his obscure protégé, J. LAMB is flushed at his recent success in pointing Fr. WALSH back on the straight and narrow path, clearly showing that there is still hope for KEVIN RODDY.

WOMENS RIGHTS
The self-appointed Women's' Rights group will be meeting once again this week. They may wish to ask CLIVE BUSH whether he considers it appropriate to continue with the services of the witty cartoonist BERKELY, who is more well known for his tasteful and intellectual etchings in FIESTA, a lewd magazine which can be obtained in most Adult Bookshops or your local hairdressers.

PFLCPSA NEWS
Will all cadres report at close of conference today in the FOYER for debriefing, and note that Islamic Green badges are available at £1.00 PALESTINIAN BADGES are also available at 50p,and the banner will make its predictable return.


FROM BALHAM TO PALESTINE
NIGHTINGALE LANE TO EL SALVADOR
ONE STRUGGLE! ONE FIGHT! REVOLUTION UNTIL VICTORY!


TUESDAY

PFLCPSA BANNER SEIZED -
USUAL INCOMPETENCE BLAMED!

The high spot of an otherwise mediocre evening was of course the successful seizure of the Popular Front Banner at the MOD Terrorists Ball. The usual scene of drunken debauchery, which typifies the officers and men of the PFLCPSA, broken by two captures of the floor, was marred when the banner, long sought after by the forces of reaction, was posted missing by one of the assembled pissheads. As they tottered out of the hotel they were confronted by a carload of jeering drunks, which roared passed with the flag dangling from a window, and then disappeared down the road to London. Meanwhile life goes on with CPSA's first

SOCIAL DEMOCRATIC MEETING
and some thirty sensation seekers and aging Liberals assembled last night to hear famed MP JOHN GRANT mutter apologies for policies for half an hour. The chic MARION CHAMBERS, aging playboy FRANK PEMBERTON CHARLIE IDIOT AND HIS DOG BARRY, did not seem widely impressed. IDIOT concentrated more on his glass of ale and the yapping of his hound and no-one seemed to notice that JOHN BILLOUIN billed as CHAIRMAN, had not bothered to turn up. Grant's witty remark in the press release, `If this militant militia gets its come-uppance in Brighton this week - which now seems very likely - it will be a victory for ordinary members and, for the decent kind of trade unionism which ASDTU (SDP FRONT) firmly backs, would have raised a laugh if he had only remembered to say it. BARRY REAMSBOTTOM chewed a bone.


CONSERVATIVES
however will be pleased at the efforts of Tory Central Office tonight. The OLD SHIP HOTEL will be packed to hear PETER BOTTOMLEY-MP for nowhere together with someone called JIM GREGSON of the NALGO EXECUTIVE at 6.00. don't be late if you want to catch PETER ARNOTT or Mr QUICK, both of whom are making special journeys just to be with us. Talking of packed meetings


MICHAEL DUGGAN
held a secret mass meeting in his bedroom last night for all his mates (LEWIS, LEVY and BAUME). After they had finished his socks they got down to the serious business of rigging the next Broad Left Conference, a feat which has eluded the said Lewis for the past ten years. You may have noticed more rubbish than usual outside the Hall yesterday. This was due to the antics of the


CPSA LABOUR LEFTOVERS GROUP,
which comprises of the usual old has-beens that revolve around LEWIS and LEVY. So desperate was Roy for flunkeys to give out the wretched drivel that he even rang two total strangers in the DES on the misapprehension that they were LEFTOVER stooges. Not only had they never heard of him, but also they declined his offer to dole out the millions to the masses. Sir ROY d'LEWIS was of course far too busy to hand out any himself.

Pay Campaign put aside, you may still have queries about your pay slips. You will be pleased to learn that the CHESSINGTON COMPUTER CENTRE has provided us with a special number to ring if in any doubt whatsoever. Ring 397 - 5100 and someone will only be too happy to assist you, no matter how trivial the problem.

Talking of trivia, many have noticed the absence of TONY BORTON from many of the socials this evening. The rumour put about by his friend, that he was preparing his laundry packet for dispatch to his good lady, has no sustenance.

YOUR COURTS TODAY
Though Mr HARDING is still seeking a settlement, his unconditional resignation from the MOD Section Executive has failed to appease Eva PARRY, or her military advisers. His latest offer, croaked from his usual position by the lavatories, to share all his joints, reflects his deep concern at this predicament.

Lucky Mr NEEDHAM who has managed to dodge a corruption rap and unfortunate PFLCPSA cadre ANN JARVIS who is trying to repulse the unwelcome attentions of illustrious jazz artist and leading MODERATE Mr JOHN BILLOUIN. BILLOUIN, who performs under the stage name of Bobby Sands, is attracted by Ann's outgoing personality and the four thousand votes he believes are in the palm of her hand.


She is at least better off than JEAN WILDE who according to her RED denigrators is giving the Salisbury Hotel a wide berth due to a misunderstanding over a cheque for £240 last year.


AMPHIBALUS

notes that Mgr DOBIE is having second thoughts at the real meaning of KEVIN WALSH's redemption. Seen devouring MENDICANT'S tedious BRITISH PERSPECTIVES for 1979,a collection of the ravings of TED GRANT's acolytes, he was particularly noting their plan to penetrate youth and Church groups as an integral part of the plan to seize power. Resident Trotskyist expert Mr PAUL FLEWERS will only be too happy to confirm any vicious rumour on the MENDICANT, and if anyone doubts this vignette they have only to stop him and ask him to recite the pamphlet from memory. The SOCIETY OF RECUSANTS however are still optimistic, looking forward at the prospect of working on KEVIN RODDY, who will have more than enough time on his hands from next week in the DHSS WASHINGTON post-room.

QUIZ
Who said `I believe that Alistair Graham's future lies outside the CPSA'. Was it
+Frank Campbell
+John Ellis
+Doug Murdoch
+Peter Thomason

HEROINE OF THE DAY
goes of course to DAWN CASTLE for her attack on Mr GRAHAM in the morning and for managing to make JOHN ELLIS smile so early in the proceedings.

CADRES
will note that the question of Palestine will soon be raised for the first time at Conference when the affiliation to the Trade Union Friends of Palestine motion comes up later in the week. Regrettably opposed by the DAYLIES GROUP and ALISTAIR GRAHAM, despite the fact that their representatives on the NEC had all endorsed the resolution, Popular Front supporters and friends are urged to stand by the heroic people of Palestine and leave THURSDAY NIGHT clear to hear ERNIE ROSS MP (TUFP) and a spokesman for the PLO explain the justice of their cause.

ARYAN NEWS
PETER HEINREICH is now trying to disclaim his weekly column in the BIRMINGHAM MAIL. His diaries have been equally subject to controversy in recent weeks and now most experts accept that they are forgeries.

CREEP OF THE DAY - The man who'd die for you- Mr Joe LAM who doesn't realize that the voting is over now.
POSER OF THE DAY - DAVE SAN who won the vote for no apparent reason at all.
BORE OF THE DAY - Frank CAMPBELL despite having only been made a fulltimer for three weeks.


DONT FORGET BADGES £1.00 PLO BADGES 5Op
THIS EDITION HAS BEEN XEROXED DUE TO THE INCOMPETENCE OF THE PFL PRINTERS PLEASE MAKE A SPECIAL DONATION TODAY


FROM BALHAM TO PALESTINE
NIGHTINGALE LANE TO EL SALVADOR
ONE STRUGGLE! ONE FIGHT! REVOLUTION UNTIL VICTORY!


WEDNESDAY

MODERATES PREPARE FOR BITTER BLOODBATH AFTER VICTORY

Though maneuvers remain muted in the absence of any firm guidance from FRANK TAYLOR leading MODERATES are already preparing for their return to power. CHARLIE IDIOT is darkly hinting that the WOMERSLEY QUESTION needs to be resolved, in an attempt to return to favour but with little evident support. ALISTAIR GRAHAM himself makes it clear in today's TIMES that he would not welcome a clear-cut decision one way or the other, and despite their personal rivalry shares JOHN ELLIS's disquiet at the recent performance of JOHN RAYWOOD, whose usual incompetence was demonstrated by the skillful way that he prepared the Conference DIARY. While including every obscure RED meeting under the sun he omitted many important socials and even got some of the details wrong. He can of course take comfort that in the past this has never proved an obstacle to his advancement. Likewise, FRANK TAYLOR is showing increasing disaffection with the BROAD LEFT, particularly in the lenient way in which it treated KENNARD's loss of £500 of Association money while in a tired and emotional state. Refusing to collect the Bored Left tithe may simply be the thin end of the wedge. Which reminds me

TERRY RAWLINSON
a seedy looking spiv is celebrating his last CPSA Conference, having been elevated to higher planes. The fact that he wrote his own report has nothing to do with his long overdue promotion. The

SCOTTISH DHSS BROAD LEFT DINNER
yesterday was a further reflection of the decadence which they have sunk into during their year of power. Some thirty odd members spent £496 including a class of 1873 Cognac at £8.50 a shot, and a glass of century old Calvados at a similar price. Both easily slipped down the throat of famed proletarian STUART McCLELLAN.

RODDY's WATCH
has now re-appeared. Should he lose it again it's a TIMEX with a black Leather strap and luminous numerals.

TONY BAKER
Wales's finest son was seen in a drunken stupor trying to obtain sexual favours from an innocent stranger. When rebuffed he lashed out into thin air, to fall to tie ground and temporary oblivion. This has however not prevented him from speaking on the Women's Rights motion with his usual charm and honesty.

DHSS SWEEPSTAKE
Bored DHSS delegates are running a sweep on the length of HERR HEINRICH's refreshment breaks. The record currently stands at an amazing 50 mins 3.72 secs from gun to tape. Tickets at 10p each are available from DHSS WARWICK delegates who can also supply you with the current form.

STOP PRESS
Due to unreliable information received yesterday, the wrong number was given for Pay Queries at the CHESSINGTON COMPUTER CENTRE. It is in fact
01 - 397 - 5266
and all queries about your payslips no matter how petty should be directed there in the first instance. This service is available 24 hours a day.

TOP TEN
1 Church of the Poisoned Mind DAYLIGHT GROUP
2 I Will Survive KEVIN RODDY
3 Daydream Believer CHARLIE IDIOT
4 Mirror Man ALISTAIR GRAHAM
5 You're so Vain Sir ROY D'LEWIS
6 Bring it on back PFLCPSA BANNER
7 Beat It Pc GROVES
8 Horse with No Name COURT OFFICERS
9 Get off my Cloud STUART HARDING
10 Sweet Dreams SDP


ELECTION SPECIAL
The OLD SHIP HOTEL was packed to hear TORY TRADE UNION LEADER JIM GREGSON and PETER BOTTOMLEY MP for absolutely nowhere tell everyone what to do on the LABOUR AFFILIATION and CND Debates. Unfortunately of the 25 who were there 10 were POPULAR FRONT supporters, including the meeting Chairwoman MEG McDONALD the belle of the North, whose opening gambit was to warmly welcome her PFLCPSA comrades. A further seven were LABOUR supporters and of the others EVA PARRY was the only celebrity and she left early. MICHAEL DUGGAN soon led the proceedings with his usual torrent of abuse, gaining him the coveted PFL POSER OF THE DAY award for dominating the meeting. BOTTOMLEY in desperation during the CND part of session, noting that his instructions were falling on deaf ears stated that Democracy was not always right - making a blasphemous comparison with OUR LORD and BARRABAS. PFL cadres took him to task for his scandalous remarks and disregard of the Good Book.


FILBY
JOHN FILBY, a middle aged Stalinist of no account has once again been hogging the action at Conference. After numerous rebuffs he was seen crawling around the DAYLIES DISCO trying to bite the ankles of a female delegate from MERSEYSIDE. His perennial pursuit of MEG McDONALD took on a new turn as he wowed her with tales of how his CAT had caught yet another mole at his recently acquired country residence. He need not mope. RICHARD HALFPENNY has arranged for a surprise visit by JENNY who will be waiting at his hotel with his other shirt, which he had inadvertently forgotten at home in Yorkshire.


YOUR COURTS TODAY
MARY ROSS leading DTI tubby is trying to silence vicious rumours relating to her own incompetence, and is taking legal advice. She was heard prior to SECTION CONFERENCE declaring to Mr McKINLAY that "I'll use my own MONEY if necessary", which means that nothing is likely to happen. FRANCO PEMBERTON is not amused. He spent at least an hour together with his stooge DENNIS WHITE trying to drum into the heads of their followers the difference between NEXT BUSINESS and MOVING TO THE VOTE.

HERCINE ANN JARVIS should be more discreet in the clothing she wears. When addressing, Conference she openly attracted the leering eyes of BILLOUIN and CAMPBELL, to the amusement of all the delegates who were awake.

CREEP OF THE DAY - PAT BYRNE for abusing the mentally defective Major Brian d'Amage SIS, who attends Conference on doctor's orders.


HERO OF THE DAY - Mick Ray Inner London Police Courts - the first man to admit to shitting himself at the Rostrum.

SEE YOU AT THE CURZON, ALISTAIR
ONE STRUGGLE, ONE FIGHT!
REVOLUTION UNTIL VICTORY!


THURSDAY

MARXISM TODAY

The funereal atmosphere at the MORNING STAR Social Tuesday night was not surprising as it followed a boring meeting held under the auspices of the COMMISSAR PARTY. A full whip drummed up 140 of the faithful, with the inconspicuous absence of- CLOTMAN and BOYD, as it was feared that the PRESS might be in attendance. ALDERSON and TESS GILL rambled on but no one can now recall what they were talking about, apart from Comrade RAY's harangue for the speedy return of STAR MONEY.

The dreadful social at a seedy public house, the KING AND QUEEN was graced with the former chemist and EDITOR of the FADING STAR, a low circulation daily. MR CHATER no doubt took some satisfaction that at least some forty people had had two pounds extorted from them for the dubious pleasure of listening to him beg for more for his journal. Notable guests were the COMMISSARS usual hangers-on SIR ROY D'LEWIS, FRANK TAYLOR, JEAN AND PETER THOMASON , JONATHAN BAUME, GEOFF LEWTAS AND FRANK CAMPBELL. Shamefully, ALISTAIR GRAHAM made his annual pilgrimage to this ritual, buying RED votes for a paper he has never read. TERRY AINSWORTH also turned up, pretending to be enjoying himself.

The POPULAR FRONT's heroic agent who was paid to attend, Mr CHRIS MORON did Sterling work, having to work all through the night preparing this report. While he was in the bogs CYNTHIA OUGHTON had seized his notes, tearing them to shreds, forcing MORON to spend five hours writing up his notes from memory.

PHIL ASHILL still dreams of becoming BORED LEFT SUPREMO in Wales. He was last seen walking into the WAR ON WANT shop and leaving with an entire wardrobe, which he wears on his back. As the CAPO of the WELSH MAFIA put it `Well if he needs new clothes why doesn't he bloody well ask?'.

CHARLIE IDIOT made a brief appearance at lunch-time before disappearing back to the alehouse in the afternoon. Our MECCA correspondent however spied his card and can report that his luck was in, going through the entire BRIGHTON card as follows:

1.45 REDHOUSE CHARM 16-1
2.15 TOM OKKER 4-1
2.45 JANUS 2-1
3.15 MONCLARE TROPHY 2-1
3.45 BOLD AND WOOLLEY 13-2
4.15 KORYPHEOS 8-I

As he put it to our TATTERSHALL spy, 'I've won a packet and don't give a damn who knows about it' and he has averred that he will stand everyone who can remember what he looks like a drink in the SPORTSMAN tonight.


MENDICANT SUPPORTERS

are not too happy at the collection of £2,900 at their recent READERS MEETING. A target of £5,500 had been set by their masters in MENTMORE TERRACE, and despite a tithe of £60 a head and a lob of £100 from John McVicar, the other reformed Scottish gangster, they were £600 short. The ten reluctant heroes are being hunted down by minder JOHN SHIP and Mr McHUGH's goons, but to be fair, they have had to make up Fr. WALSH's budgeted lob out of their own pockets.


ARYAN NEWS
Mr PAUL BESANT was spied skulking around the Brighton Centre last night and should he be seen again please refer him to Messrs BEASLEY and SPINKS who wish to discuss some items of a highly personal nature with their old chum.

COSMIC TOP SECRET
UK EYES ONLY
SHIP J 76817977


KEVIN RODDY's narrow defeat, in contrast to some of the other results has already fired the sectarian flames within the BORED LEFT. One section of the SOCIALIST CAUCUS, S. CORBISHLEY, was gleefully peddling anti-MENDICANT propaganda even before the results were announced paralleling the cruder tactics of LEWIS and LEVY, whose own downfall once they are of no further use was being meticulously planned in the right-hand coffee lounge of the Centre by Mr DUGGAN's agents.

Three fine sons of Scotland, Messrs BOYD, HAMILTON and MURPHY distinguished themselves as usual last night at the DNS's MARXIST-LENINIST DISCO, by their consumption of alcohol and their famed TOBYJUG impersonation, However, ALISTAIR BOYD has another claim to fame. In the May edition of `WHAT'S BREWING' the organ of the CAMPAIGN FOR REAL ALE, essential reading for all MARXISTS there is a column styled `IT MAKES YOU THINK' on page 7.There one can read…..

PRIZE for the most irrelevant speech (at the CAMRA AGM). went to Alistair Boyd of the Glasgow Branch. Moving a motion on the need for a referendum on the contentious cask breather issue, the amply proportioned Scot had to be stopped by the chair when after five minutes of splendid circumlocution started to sing the praises of Pilsner Urquell.

We don't know what Alistair was drinking later that night, but at two in the morning he was unable to remove himself from the floor of past Chairman Tim Amsden's room and snored the night away there. We trust that the good Conservative citizens of Tring, Hertfordshire, who will this month be invited to elect Mr Amsden to their local Council will not be put off by the fact that the candidate spent the night with an unashamed "Joe Stalin had his good points" member of the Communist Party”.

MID-WEEK SPORTS SPECIAL WITH THE POPULAR FRONT
ABERDEEN FC, sponsored by the PFLCPSA won a resounding victory over the might of SPAIN, The CHURCHILL HOTEL was packed with PFL supporters who had flown in specially to see the exclusive coverage provided by the Resistance Satellite. The Tartan clad fans rejoiced every time the heroes attacked.

HERO OF THE DAY - Maj. Brian D'Amage for swinging the Moderates behind the Labour affiliation vote.

CRAWLER OF THE DAY - Prof JIMMY EDWARDS, who allegedly did sign the letter RODDY read out.

YOUR COURTS TODAY

HERBERT MARSHALL CLARK- is rumoured to be taking legal advice following the withdrawal of his MOD censure motion but he cannot make up his mind on which worthy firm to approach, given that THRINGS ,LAWFORDS and GASTERS are already dealing with other CPSA business.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

PLEASE FILL IN AND RETURN TO YOUR USUAL DEALER.
I fully support the aims and objectives of the PFLCPSA and enclose £….. as a small token of my loyalty. Please send me further reports during the year to

NAME....................................................

ADDRESS.............................................


FROM PALESTINE TO NIGHTINGALE LANE
EL SALVADOR TO BALHAM
ONE STRUGGLE, ONE FIGHT!
REVOLUTION UNTIL VICTORY!


FRIDAY

DAYLIES GROUP IN DISARRAY FOLLOWING IDIOT TRIUMPH

Leading DAYLIES leaders were openly expressing their dismay at Charlie IDIOT's topping of the poll yesterday, mainly as he was in a drunken stupor and was unable to identify them. While Mrs Womersley consoled her fans with the fact that the very extent of their victory over the Broad Left prevented IDIOT from carrying out any of his dark threats, the IDIOT camp (REAMSBOTTOM) used precisely the same argument to justify it.

Meanwhile COMMANDER BUTCHER eagerly awaits the result of the Presidential advice requested. Heroically elected to his rightful place on the NEC, he nevertheless needs and has taken a years' annual special unpaid leave to help his wife-run the BOARDING HOUSE they have recently purchased in sunny BOURNEMOUTH. He therefore needs all the bunce he can get through NEC subsistence to pay for the wallpaper. The fact that he will be completely out of touch from the Union will of course be no obstacle to a man of his intelligence.

SECONDS OUT

Once again the high standard of recent years has been witnessed in these fine amateur bouts, the CORNERMAN writes. Up and coming young fighter BILL McCLORY ably fended off the persistent jabs of a persistent taxi-driver who objected to Bill spewing up all over his cab. Despite a sojourn with the local constabulary this promising challenger escaped with only a bruised hand. Peter `My wife is away so I can drink what I like' THOMASON has tried to keep this from the Sporting Press but IDIOT in one of his rare lucid moments has sworn that their will be a full inquiry.

TIM KELMAN is the dapper BIKER who can be seen posing in the Conference Hall in his full regalia. Conference nay be interested to note that he came to Brighton by train.

SOCIAL NEWS
DE veterans have been pleased to note that LEN VICE, a Soviet Agent has returned to Conference to look after CLAIRE's kids. He has been supplementing his roubles by selling busts of ANDY BROOKS, a pompous bore from the SOCIAL SCIENCE RESEARCH COUNCIL. Needless to say, only two have been purchased, by Messrs FILBY and HUGHES but any one desperate can obtain them from VICE tastefully wrapped in brown paper at a cost of £2.00.

WELSH NEWS
TONY BAKER, Wales' finest son still covets the elusive NEC seat or fulltime post but has only just realised that he needs the backing of his Welsh compatriots. Unable to speak a word of WELSH, and indeed changing his name from EMRYS to TONY because he could not pronounce it, for years he had been happy in the white mans culture. Now, however, he has taken to reading TEACH YOURSELF WELSH though his progress has been difficult. When one of his fellow sheepshaggers turned round to him after being accosted for a drink and said `Cer i Graft y Bastad Seisnig' Tony merely stumbled away smiling.


Though SIR ROY D'LEWIS was absent all day THURSDAY his dupes were not idle. One of his lackeys spied a ruffian from DHSS HQ (LDN) sporting a Labour Party badge and tried to lure him into the LABOUR LEFTOVER Group, to which he wittily replied "I wouldn't join any organisation run by LEWIS and LEVY as I couldn't take it seriously."

KARL MARX CENTENARY
WILL ALL CADRES RETURN THE FORMS
WITH THEIR NAMES, ADDRESSES AND
MONEY IF THEY WANT TO GO ON THE
83/84 MAILING LIST

THE WEATHER
There is a black cloud billouin over Brighton. The outlook will be moderately wet with a slight Ray of hope for tomorrow. Two major depressions (Chambers and Pemberton) ate currently hovering over the S. Coast. Minor showers are now expected throughout the country.


FLAT SHARING IN LONDON
Two people are needed to share all costs in a well appointed flat in the MANTILLA Rd. Will suit three if one is a dwarf prepared to live in a broom cupboard. Please apply to KEVIN McHUGH before close of Conference. HERBERT MARSHALL CLARKE is feeling very pleased with himself, not only did ALISTAIR GRAHAM allow him to go to the CENTURION PRESS dinner last Wednesday with Ms HUSTWIT and all of GRAHAM's cronies but he has been sounded out about a more lucrative post in the IPCS. It is believed that Chuckies ability to fly an aeroplane, operate a computer, parachute, rock-climb and all-the other lies he tells any one who cares to listen, has at last proved profitable.

WEDDINGS, ENGAGEMENTS?

or just a little token for that somebody special...don't bother with the boring old CPSA cash discount offers regularly hawked in BUSH's rag. FRANK SULLIVAN can supply you with as much costume jewelry as you can carry on highly competitive terms and can be found with l2 the other drunks in the SPORTSMAN throughout the day.

BRITT POYNTZ has left no stone unturned to let it be known that she has no intention of taking part in the DAYLIES NEC caucus and is in favour of affiliation to the Labour Party. Veteran backstabbers believe that her ploy, so soon after her election is certainly premature, though the fact that she has declared this before should be taken into account, even though no one had ever heard of her. Incidentally should you spy a total stranger today shake, his or her hand as they have probably been elected to the NEC.

THE WIT AND WISDOM OF CHARLIE IDIOT

.......it is alleged that......... Following adverse comments on the leather jacket he has taken to strutting about in, the Yorkshire hero brilliantly riposted `If you're a cunt, you should dress like a cunt.' Incidentally, Charlie, if this story is inaccurate you could easily dispel it by troubling to meet some of the delegates who have troubled to vote for you today.

PFLCPSA TALLY: NEC ELECTIONS
Geoff Parker
Norman Jacobs
Frank Pemberton

and so that's it for the year. Regular bulletins will be mailed to all on the new MAILING LIST. £2.00 plus NAME AND ADDRESS NOW. Our thanks go to GRAHAM GREENE who fixed the office for us, PRINGLE and POSERIUS who manned the print machine, ANDY ACTION AND THE ACTIONMEN who helped with the News. BUCK ROGERS who is going to do the new banner and all our informers right and left.

BIBI CONFERENCE…..

FROM BALHAM TO EL SALVADOR - NIGHTINGALE LANE TO PALESTINE
ONE STRUGGLE ONE FIGHT, REVOLUTION UNTIL VICTORY!