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by Judas Iscariot - February 1999

This Winter many of us spend the odd hour planning our summer hols -- some may even wonder what to do for the Millenium celebrations. But in the shadows the secret emissaries of DONNELLAN are planning for a more important landmark -- 2004. That's when they anticipate the departure of the GREAT SCOT and the triumvirate which rule the union now -DONELLAN, UNDY and LANNING are already lobbying for his replacement. BARRY is due to retire in 2004 when his term expires. Though he could stay on under the new rules he will by then have built up his full pension and there will be little to keep him. The glory has faded and the prospect of a Scottish Assembly seat has long been attractive. And if DEWAR can't fix it for him there's bound to be a few juicy quango boards to keep Caledonia's finest son occupied in between the golf.

At least that's what ME FIRST think and they've already lined up LANNING to take his place. By then the Moderati will be a spent force and will either have to accept it as a fait accompli OR mount a challenge. And ME FIRST are already preparing for that with pledges of support from the shadowy Scottish UNITY camp as a pay-back for keeping REILLY on. The Moderati will have great difficulty in finding an heir to BARRY. Though BOYLE was long believed to be next in line for succession few believe that FATTY'S health will stand up to a gruelling campaign. The obvious other choice, CHURCHYARD, is ruled out because the Invisible Man regards elections as beneath him, and McCANN is fast becoming an also-ran.

But a frisson of fear is already spreading across FALCONCREST at the prospect of LANNING in charge. While the Moderati scrabble around looking for an alternative or praying that BARRY has second thoughts the TROTS too are putting their thinking caps on. ADAMS retires this year and Mc CREADIE retires before 2004. Of course there's an army of losers ready to toss their hats into the ring when the time comes but others argue that with a bit of sense a candidate could be found who could win if the Right vote is split two-ways. Frank CAMPBELL certainly fits the bill. Though few members actually like him even fewer hate him. He's won grudging respect in all the sections he's covered over the years but the greatest thing in his favour is that he could only do one term himself before retiring.

Meanwhile the ME FIRST juggernaut moves on. DONNELLAN himself intends to step down in a few years time to pursue his civil service career but he won't go until UNDY'S grand plan is fulfilled -- to smash the Moderati along with what's left of the REDS leaving him and his followers in complete control of the union. The hunt for more Moderati and Dim Left turn-coats continues... The great MODERATI walkout was not specifically planned around the decision to appoint REILLY but was planned to coincide with the debate about compensating the government for the special leave taken by senior officials (CHAMBERS), which was supposed to precede it. The rather serious cock-up in correctly calculating a quorum did not take into account that whilst young Mark MURPHY could be relied on to rally to MARION, he doesn't give a shit about RAMSBLADDER. Rumours of him having been plied with promises by ME1st prove unfounded, as we all know that they have no influence in the Clerical Constituency. It was of course an appalling coincidence that the person taking the telephone apologies for non-attendance at the NEC, and therefore in pole position to judge the quorum status of the meeting was BARRY.

So,why did the GREAT SCOT pull the trapdoor so soon? He knew that under threat of the sack, he couldn't put off a decision about REILLY indefinitely, but how long is indefinitely? Well, until the February NEC would have done nicely because by that time EDDIES early retirement package would be sorted, and that would have made it much more difficult for ME1st to railroad their "decision" through. And why are ME1st supporting a TANKIE for the post? Apparently they're a sentimental lot, and on hearing that a long serving (executive constituency) official was having to take an early bath to return to his bonny lass and we'ans in the country of the brave, decided to see him alright, and sod the current (clerical constituency) incumbent. We are assured that the fact that REILLY and Peter DONNELLAN are drinking buddies has no relevance to any decisions past, present or future. About anything. At all.

McCANN meanwhile fumes on. It seems there's not much he can do except grin and bear it - he hasn't exactly endeared himself to DONNELLAN - at their introductory meeting McCANN threw up in the ashtray. Taking PCS to an Employment Tribunal (post CROTUM) would probably result in a pay-off of £15K and no prospect of a similar sinecure anywhere else. Ever. Legal challenges by MICK aside, perhaps the ordinary member might enquire why a superfluous post has been created at a level outside the provisions of the rule book, which allows for the post of Scottish Officer at Assistant Secretary level only. This matter and the functions of the new post are obviously exercising minds immeasurably greater than ours because REILLY has not yet received a posting date and when approached by PFLCPSA Agents on the subject tapped the side of his nose, adding mysteriously "Wait and see..".

Building for a strike by PCS employees at FALCONCREST grows apace. Embarrassing? Yes. Completely avoidable? Yes. So, what's the problem? Somebody let POO-BAH loose devising a new pay structure. And? The new pay scale has a maximum, but no minimum. Does this mean that ex-CPSA employees are expected to transfer to the new scale at or below their present salary? Yup. And the ex-PTC fat cats suffer a similar fate? - well Hurrah for that! Er..no, they get the cream, but there are fewer of them, hence the peasants' revolt. Don't laugh, but this is the same HUGE PLANNING, obviously a reincarnation of Glen HODDLE, being touted by ME1st as their GS candidate when BARRY goes in 2004.