We give you your first 6 months' membership free - but then we can afford to do that because we don't spend a lot on normal union stuff.
Oh! and if we are not allowed to represent you, we recruit you anyway and call you an associate member...
We do at present have one benefit which real unions can't compete with because they are mainly composed of non-shift workers - sickness insurance for shift pay! But we are currently co-operating with the Heavenly Organism to do away with that by pressing for a process known as "consolidation".
Now there's a paradox for you! A bit like turkeys voting for Christmas...