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THE POPULAR FRONT FOR THE LIBERATION OF CPSA
FIGHTING ON IN OUR 36th YEAR

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ROUND AND ABOUT
BY JUDAS ISCARIOT - JANUARY 2008

Winter conditions. The severe weather and the exceptionally heavy frosts try endurance to the full. Intense cold - frosts sufficient to freeze the mud in the trenches - and high, bitter winds. Knee-deep in mud we wonder why we never go on strike in the summer? I'd prefer it if my toes and fingers didn't go numb after half an hour. PCS should arrange to supply warm, waterproof picket attire. Personal Protective Equipment (PPE) clearly should now be a priority. They do supply Hi-Vis nylon slipovers, mainly to the great and good on GECs & NEC so they look photogenic to the media. JANICE has got one, I haven't, but they could build the logo and hi-vis into a ski jacket, for instance and it would be a good use of subs, preserving the health of overworked reps.

Now a weary wave of expectancy is blowing through across the front line in preparation for the first big push of the New Year which for the first time goes beyond attrition and over to escalation with HMRC and VOA going over the top with the DWP in the pay struggle.

We're here because we're here and we are where we are, as usual, lions led by donkeys. By LU's refusal to seize the day two years ago, we've now reached the position of strike or roll over. Frankly, that narrows the options to fight or flight. We have to fight, whether we agree with the strategy, or not.

Regime change? The indies do not have a collectivised structure or an electoral machine. 4TM and its followers PCS 21 lack cohesion and organisation. Trotsky's Independent Traders are too mad, The PCS Democrats can't do anything without hanging on to the LU coattails. The Moderates have apparently now thrown in the towel and dissolved but they been defunct for years and were only a spoiler. The only faction with a semblance of organisation is LU. The PFL coined the phrase " Beirut of the TU movement" to describe CPSA factional fighting. That mantle, like much of the spirit of CPSA, has indeed been passed to PCS .

.and back at Chateau Falconcrest another struggle is going on.

Hell hath no fury like a SEVI scorned it would seem. Following the failure of SEVI YESIDALLI and her less than glamorous partner KEV KELLY to get back in the BIG TENT , plans have been made to re-kindle their affair with PCS. As you will recall OUR KEV was dumped from the 2008 LUNITY list at the Grandee conference in December following charges of milking his expenses as VP. His constant companion, SEVI, went down with him. But they hadn't been expelled and they were still, technically, part of the BIG TENT bloc on the NEC.

Not to be put off by principles or common sense, the former TROT pair put feelers out to none other than LUNITY's main opponents through third parties along the lines of "I'll join 4TM if I am Presidential Candidate" was unsurprisingly turned down, as they've got enough losers and has-beens on their list. SEVI foolishly imagined that her intrigues could remain confidential to allow her to remain part of the LUNITY NEC caucus at least until after the January NEC that met last week. But nothing is a secret in the hot-house of PCS politics and when SEVI trouped along to the LUNITY pre-NEC meeting she was confronted with her double-dealing and stormed out along with KEVIN who then resigned as Veep when the NEC opened. This was as much a foregone conclusion as his replacement by BIG JOHN MACINALLY.

But not to KEVIN McHUGH it seems. While the NEC was sitting McHUGH received a text message saying "KK returns!" Not having read his Daily Mirror McWHO's mind was obviously pre-occupied with the KEVIN KELLY saga and said "Fucking hell, he's only just resigned" unaware that this referred to KEVIN KEEGAN's return to McHUGH's beloved Newcastle United!

It really is all go in SEVILAND now. She's has thrown her toys out of the pram with LU - resigning from LU and sending JANICE a corrosive email - but what she forgets by flouncing out of LU is that she hasn't got a faction backing her. Reliance on the black vote to get her back on the NEC is supremely misguided considering she resigned from their national club but still voted, and the handful of votes from the Met Police outfit will only add to the humiliation. KEV'N' SEV might as well bring their impending nuptials forward, because ere long they'll both be answering the phones in call-centres, the latter day equivalent of pushing a pen.

At the PFLCPSA bunker senior officers were pleased to see that Falconcrest's Personnel Director NIGEL PEARCE is now taking productivity seriously by banning internet access to the PFL which is now classed as a "forbidden site" on the Chateau's computer network. If we awarded gongs, he'd get one for saving the members subs - what a hero! Our full-time officers and staff certainly have better things to do than waste their time looking up tittle-tattle in company time and we are sure this has nothing to do with NIGEL's own five-seconds of fame which appeared in the PFL of November 2007 when he opined thus: "lawyers are as useless as a pork chop at a Jew's wedding", thus insulting catering firms throughout the land. He certainly can count in the support of SEVI YESIDALLI who thinks MAREK was behind the banning move and told others that:

"If you rely or trust what you read in PFL then you must be as sick both PFL the people that post cowardly bile about others.as for PFL being banned from PCS , I for one am proud that Mark Serwotka has taken such action. In doing so showing concern for the health, safety and welfare of people that are targeted by the sicko's that print it."

HQ workers will be gratified to learn that a new method of accessing the site during your lunch breaks, or otherwise in your own time, is available. If you haven't got it yet, email us (pflcpsa@btinternet.com) from work so we know you're not Nigel and our technical team will advise you. It's not illegal and doesn't compromise the great PORKIES instructions.

The PCS HQ1 dept better known as the HMRC had its office party on Monday 17th December in the splendid surroundings of the COUNTY ARMS pub in the shadow of WANDSWORTH PRISON. The pub is tastefully decorated with items such as JOHN (the acid bath murderer) HAIGH's death sentence notice and various macabre jail-type memorabilia.

It was fitting therefore that a bunch of dodgy looking types from FALCONCREST munched their way through the festive fodder. At some point in the evening DAVE BEAN HMRC group President rose and addressed the assembled masses.

BEAN thanked all of the staff blah-blah but then launched into a rambling speech which declared that HMRC would be on strike on the 31st January 2008. DICKY THUGGAN, now SNO for HMRC, took exception to this and backed up by around several bottles of dry white wine proceeded to argue the toss with MR BEAN. The argument was fuelled by much XMAS spirit and soon calmed down.

Throughout this furore TONY WALSH the HMRC LEARNING supremo dozed on. The manager of the hostelry eventually asked that he was woken up as he was not "sending out the right impression". Sadly when awoken the difference between WALSH being comatose and awake was minimal and nobody seemed to be able to tell the difference. TONY was sent home to PLUMSTEAD where he shares a gaff with ANDY REID NEC member.

BEAN however got his way at the GEC held a few days later when a decision to ballot members was confirmed. An attempt to make the meeting inquorate by some GEC members  failed miserably giving LUNITY a free hand. THUGGAN is now claiming the ballot is illegal, based on legal advice he's obtained, in a last-ditch bid to halt the action.

Strange events are taking place in the car park behind Chateau Falconcrest. At the beginning of the month engineers sealed off part of it to drill bore holes. Last week a mysterious portakabin was plonked outside the station entrance. Now the clouds have parted. The portakabin is hosting a four day exhibition of plans for the redevelopment of Clapham Junction by a consortium of property developers. They intend to replace the provincial station arcade with a "relaxed, sophisticated and iconic" shopping mall topped by two blocks of luxury apartments with a dedicated underground car-park, token gardens and a pond for residents. The Falcon pub, being a listed building is to remain. The plans have been distributed in a newsletter to everyone in the borough and on their website www.theheartofbattersea.co.uk . Building is due to start next year. The curious fact is that when you look closely you'll see that Chateau Falconcrest has completely disappeared. What can all this mean?

NOW YOU SEE IT

NOW YOU DON'T

Forsan et haec olim meminisse iuvabit

 Perhaps this will be a pleasure to look back on one day

 Publius Vergilius Maro


THE PFL ZMAS - A RETROSPECTIVE

Al-Qaeda DVD big hit this Christmas

The Al-Qaeda DVD game has proven to be this year’s most wanted Christmas present.

Osama bin Laden has developed his video messages into an interactive DVD game. In a bid to capitalise on the Christmas gift market and to boost his celebrity status Osama can be seen sitting in a cave fronting the game with clips of him between questions saying "Ohhh good answer", "Ark at her Queen of Sheba" and "come on come on...times up". Questions include how many Americans were killed in New York on September 11th 2001? and how immoral is the western world?

The game is suitable for all ages and has had great reviews.

Sunni Times said: “It blew us away”

9/11 said the Finsbury Mosque Journal

“It is great fun for all the family” Said a spokes person for the company. Who refused to be named and covered his face when interviewed.

“We want people to know we have fun too” the man continued. “It’s not just all about killing people”

The company said it had sent Osama Bin Laden a copy of the game, but did not know if he had a region 2 DVD player.

However, the Daily Mail said the game was a rip off. Claiming that you can only play once as the suicide bomber character.

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While shepherds watched their flocks....to keep them safe

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Santa’s list reveals: More naughty children from working class backgrounds

Santa Claus’s annual Christmas study of child behaviour, used to determine present allocation, reveals that more naughty children come from working class backgrounds.

The study, which is carried out among children between the ages of two and twelve across the UK, is based on a ten point system which classifies each child as either “naughty” or “nice”.

In total, 60% of UK children were classed as “Nice” in the survey but the percentage changes radically when broken down by parents’ income. Children of teachers and accountants, for example, reached a level of 90% in the “Nice” category while those of unemployed builders and lorry drivers reached only 20%.

The study also highlighted a regional bias. In a ranking of UK towns and cities, Little Puddington in Surrey came out number one with a 100% “Nice” rating but further north, areas of Liverpool and Newcastle actually came close to 0%. Suggestions that an incident in 1999, when Father Christmas was mugged in Toxteth, has led to Liverpool children being rated too negatively in subsequent years, have been refuted.

Following the results, Graham Hewitt, from SDFH, the Government Department for Schools, Dreams and Future Happiness, said more needed to be done but argued the results failed to show the great improvements the Government had made in creating more middle class children:

“By 2020 every child in the country will have ridden in a land rover and will have access to a yeast allergy,” he claimed.

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I-PAPER

Steve Jobs launched the latest stunning equipment from Apple. Capable of fitting inside an envelope, the device is wafer thin.

"It wastes no space," claimed Jobs to a volley of applause. "Every inch of its surface can be used as an input device and it has a beautifully simple design."

Boasting two wide display surfaces the i-Book Air Lite requires no power and is completely wireless. By doing away with keyboards and touch pads, Apple has created its lightest ever gadget. Input is via a stylus-like device that leaves a visual indicator where processing has taken place. Apple anticipates that other vendors will provide compatible input devices, but clearly Apple enthusiasts will want to plump for the classic i-Pen.

Leaving the best for last, Jobs announced to a stunned press conference that the i-Book Air Lite was such an advanced design that it's capable of flight. To an accompaniment of gasps, he began to change the device's shape, presumably using a complex series of hinges. Jobs launched the newly modified device and it soared over the heads of the assembled press.

"Just pop it in the bin when you're done," he said.

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PETER HAIN - JUST HOW DID THAT "ADMINISTRATIVE OVERSIGHT" HAPPEN?