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By Judas Iscariot - July 2004

In ancient Roman days decimation was a collective punishment reserved for legions that ran away in wartime. One in ten was executed no doubt to encourage the others. Nowadays Brown has gone further in seeking to sack one in five to pay for a war nobody wanted. And down in the trenches it has only strengthened the view that whatever comes of the summer offensive in two weeks time the only way to halt the onslaught is by a lengthy campaign of attrition. Attrition, you may recall, was the way the Allies eventually defeated Germany in the First World War and essentially means he who lasts longest wins. Holding the line and hoping for a political change in Westminster may not be as far fetched as some of the dismal johnnies would have us believe – if the Butler commission and the continuing crisis around the Blair leadership is anything to go by. It is, after all, the only card in Serwotka’s pack. But battle fatigue is already taking its toll. Poor old JIM DYE was the first. The noisy TROT from LIVERPOOL correctly surmised that he would be one of the first to go in the Management purge and he’s determined to take some of the RATS with him. Last month he posted this up on the INDIE message board:

See if you can guess the following person:
A branch chair in DWP who since the DWP Pay and PDS dispute regularly acts up to HEO despite the ban on acting up? Who regularly does overtime despite the ban on overtime? Who sits on MANAGEMENT side during local Whitley's. Whose actions as a scab have led to the resignation of at least one other branch officer in disgust? Who was recently elected again to an important position in PCS in DWP...
A Moderate you might guess? Well, no, I'm disgusted to say he was elected on a LEFT UNITY slate.

Needless to say it provoked a furore of speculation and predictably, a witch-hunt that fingered virtually the entire LUNITY DWP establishment. DYE has gone completely gaga and is refusing to name names much to the fury of his erstwhile comrades. However if you can help us jog JIM’S memory don’t hesitate to drop BARRABAS an email at the usual address!STUART CURRIE is also clearly heading for the men in white coats following the collapse of his little Moderati empire. A retired Moderati lady, who wishes to remain anonymous, contacted CURRIE after Conference to ask what’s happened to the money held in the Moderate account – which she has been bumping up by a tenner a month for donkey’s years. FATBOY told her that though there has been some expenditure he would not issue a statement lest it falls into the hands of the “ENEMY” – a melodramatic term STUART now uses for Madame CAMPBELL and the rest of the ANTI-BUNTER COALITION. This didn’t go down well with the Moderati lady who cancelled her standing order and in the true MODDIE tradition is now “taking legal advice”.And the list is growing.

The Head of the Civil Service SIR ANDREW TURNBULL visited the IR NICO office in June for a visit to inspect ongoing work on DN's. The Very Important Man did all the usual things, boots licked by all the senior management etc. He was then told he was going to visit the proles, specifically the NI section that deals with employers. When, however he was told that a certain KEVIN McHUGH was in charge of showing him round he took the NICO Director to one side and said "good god man can't we find someone a bit younger and more attractive". Poor old McGOO, who lives in Bunker BP2102, was so upset that he had to take the rest of the day off. Oh the indignity of it. From fêted Chair of the DHSS to old has-been. Still, I'm sure SOMEONE will buy him a pint at next years Conference.

BERNIE WILLIAMS, one time Quisling Gauleiter in NCO, as you recall left Tyneside for his native Yorkshire earlier in the year. And a farewell bash was held on Thursday 1 July not to see Bernie off, as McHUGH & Co had already raised glasses to that, but to say goodbye to MRS WILLIAMS who likes to go by the name of TM (Williams). TM who held the line at BERNIES request on the Newcastle IR BEC will missed by the likes of PREISTLEY follower SEAN FAHEY (IR GEC) and Dwarf like JON COMB (recently promoted far beyond his ability to EO/ D Band). The reason why TM is so strangely named is that when she was a wee Glasgow lass in the Passport Office and before she married Williams she was called TERESA MARTIN !! The same name as the LUNITY Branch Sec and Newcastle 8 member that BERNIE stitched up. The thought of Bernie screaming Terry, Terry, in the throes of passion would put both parties off!! NB - Terry Martin ( Ex-Newcastle 8 ) is now a dinner lady at St Aloysius RC school in Hebburn South Tyneside (Mc Hugh' s old school, funnily enough) during the day, and runs an Irish Dancing school at night.

Remember the never-ending WADDELL saga? We received a communication from one of them (forget which one, and care less) as follows: "Just to correct your incorrect correction. I am Ian Waddell - the only one on the Global Address List - and work in Kirkcaldy SSO. You are right to some extent about Iain (sic) Waddell from GBC. But I am the Regional Learning Officer for Scotland and have been since November. And, as a long-standing "Trot", I am a supporter of LU. I even voted for the correct but not "right" McKay." Those wishing to follow the Jock Method of Sowing Electoral Confusion should change their name by deed poll to McKay or Waddell ahead of next year's elections. Or even McKay Waddell (or vice-versa), just to be on the safe side.

Into the Fray chaps!!!

qui ducis uultus et non legis ista libenter,
omnibus inuideas, liuide, nemo tibi.

You, who pull faces and won’t willingly read that kind of thing, may you, jealous man, envy everyone and may no one envy you.

Marcus Valerius Martialis (40 – 104 AD)