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ROUND AND ABOUT
BY Judas Iscariot - JULY 2009

The silly season started early this summer, perhaps to sweep aside the gloomy news on all fronts from the death of MICHAEL JACKSON, swine flu, and the usual British sporting failures to the worthless pay rises, or rather non-rises, that most of us will be getting as we approach the second year of the big slump. But all's not woe at Chateau Falconcrest as the full-timers ponce off to their villas in France and Spain or get their Blackberry's out to calculate how much they're going to get when the next early retirement pay-offs start in the autumn.

 PAT CAMPBELL and EMMA WILES are already packing their bags, further reducing the women's' representation at Headquarters, which is not bad for a union that did its research and found it full-time complement did not reflect its core membership. Was it not 62 per cent female and 35 per cent from black and ethnic minorities?

 There are no black faces at all in our union at any meaningful level and only one woman, KIM BURRIDGE who sits on the new SNO "Strategic Management Group". She'll be gone within five years at the latest as she celebrated her 60th birthday this year with a party that neither MAREK SERWOTKA, HUGH LANNING, CHRIS BAUGH or any other senior national officer could be bothered to attend.

 Makes you wonder how much support she won't get in her new super group of organising, learning & the bits of legal not to find a home in the soon to be gone equalities dept. This strategic thinking group will give all day-to day management of staff to a new band of managers called Band 5. LEON BOFFS big idea was to save money through rationalisation. What he got is a whole new echelon of full-timers all on £58K plus doing the job that the senior officers used to do. Savings have been made but only at the expense of those who can least afford it - the bottom rung admin staff who didn't get their increments due in June.

Presiding like a colossus, in more senses than one, over all of this is HR Supremo NIGEL "Pieman" PIERCE. The most hated man in Falconcrest rarely bothers to show his face for more than a day a week at HQ though he believes his job is secure because he's been tasked with looking at further ways to reduce the admin establishment. Whether he's directly responsible for the bizarre appointment of CARL BANKS as H&S officer despite having no knowledge of health and safety while IAN STILL, who does H&S for the staff's GMB union branch, was passed over is a moot point.

PIEMAN'S visit to Scotland to broker a peace deal (PFL passim ) has ended in abject failure. Despite attempts to tell anyone who would listen that a truce has been agreed between warring staff, it has come to light that TOMMY SHERIDAN'S ex PA is not playing ball (with a nod from EDDIE REILLY). She is currently on sick leave though she is said to be providing support for TOMMY as he prepares for his perjury trial.

As our MPS' expenses scandal has shown, something being within the rules is not necessarily the same as something being right or proper.

If the union foots the bill for our representatives' air fares, is it right and proper for them to trouser the air miles? Is it a perk of being on the NEC? Is it to compensate for them giving up their own time to do union business? Or should the air miles belong to the union to be used for union business?

Why am I asking? Well, it seems that Janice GODRICH's munificence with her presidential air miles will be bringing John MACREADIE from France to the UK for a wee holiday to help in his recuperation from his illness. 

Within the rules? It would appear so. Right and proper? I suppose it's our members who'll have to decide that - if, of course, they ever get to find out about it.

 Back on the front line the truce continues to hold despite the usual grumbles in the dug-outs about inept leadership at the top. But there's no smoke without fire and one only has to look at the HMRC ballot on pay. Members voted to reject the pay offer but also voted against taking any action. Entirely predictable and totally disastrous for the negotiating team. Over 63 per cent rejected the pay offer in a 32.98 per cent turn-out but the second option for taking " industrial action up to and including strike action in order to try and improve the offer" was rejected by 51 per cent. What a pity that members weren't asked a third question on whether they'd be prepared to take action short of striking to pursue their claim. With no cards to play with Management will just tell the Group to fuck off when they next meet and impose the pay award, if they're lucky.

In DWP, WILLIE SAMUEL, 4TM's sole representative on the GEC has fallen on his sword to concentrate on what's left of his career in the department. WILLIE will carry on at branch level and remain ROB BRYSON'S campaign manager when the GS race begins in the autumn. But it doesn't bode well for BRYSON whose chances against MAREK are slim to put it mildly. The Grandees don't regard GOLDENBOY as a serious contender - STEEL, JAKE WILDE or even WILLIE would have been a different matter - but they have launched a new recruitment drive. Pensions Services veteran JOHN COLE, a former Moderati who didn't join 4TM, signed up for LUNITY at the Durham Miners Gala bash in July

Talking about has-beens former Moderati NEC "leader" STUART CURRIE, who left PCS and the Labour Party some years ago to further his Scottish political career with the Liberal Democrats, has done another volte-face. CURRIE, who was the depute leader of East Lothian Council, has plunged his local Lib-Dems into turmoil by turning down the parliamentary nomination he so craved for only some months ago. He says he wants to take the moral high stand over Lib-Dem involvement in the Westminster MPs expenses scandal. 'When you start to see the names of people from your own party emerging from the woodwork you start to think to yourself - can I really stand and share a platform with these people?" BUNTER told the local rag. Refusing to name names, he added: 'It's frankly amazing some of the claims that have been made by MPs within the Lib-Dems. Just because these claims are within the rules does not mean that they are right or can be justified". Well he never showed such scruples when he was part of Jockocracy under BARRY REAMSBOTTOM.

Because 4TM are so bereft of policies there's little doubt that the BRYSON campaign will consist of little more than personal abuse and attacks on the high-life supposedly enjoyed by SERWOTKA on his huge salary and expenses. The Grandees as a whole are unlikely to respond in kind - not from any high principle but simply because they don't see it as necessary. The same may not be so for the SWP that BRYSON dumped to join 4TM two years ago. But turncoats are a touchy subject for the SOCIALIST WANKERS in PCS . Few of them now even admit to the fact that ROB was once their top man in London . Even fewer talk about OLIUR RAHMAN - their PCS star in the Tower Hamlets Bengali community until he decided to jump ship and return to the Labour Party along with the other councilors who briefly flirted with the SWP and Respect. Not so George Galloway MP who sent this letter to the East London Advertiser last week:

"The last time I saw Cllr Oliur Rahman he kissed me on the head as a mark of respect. Now he stabs me in the back. In his letter to the Advertiser he repeats a number of New Labour falsehoods and quotes the Daily Telegraph to support his attack on me. I am dictating this letter from the Rafah Crossing where I am about to deliver aid to the people of Gaza . It is "abroad" to be sure. But many in Tower Hamlets will applaud it. Oliur Rahman would have too, once. But like the Judas he is he has betrayed all that - for a position on Tower Hamlets Council as Lead member for rapidly-rising unemployment ".

How times change.

While not a bulletin of record the PFL is happy to set the record straight about STEVE COMER'S antics at Llandudno that were reported in the June communiqué. COMER points out to all and sundry that his car is a Toyota and that he hasn't had a Volvo since 1996; that the car door wasn't fully ripped off, though certainly badly damaged; that the erring OAPs coach wasn't from Bristol and that the Imperial Hotel in question doesn't have a car park. Apart from that everything else is accurate including the photo of the exhausted Bristol Lib-Dem councillor and PCS Democrats chief that graced the original report. Rumours that the door incident occurred after the picture was taken are false. His pains to correct the story probably has something to do with an insurance claim.

COMER has also attracted the wrath of the utterly mad "Bristol Blogger" in

Hypocrite Watch:

http://thebristolblogger.wordpress.com/2007/03/25/hypocrite-watch-1/

and Greedy Bastard Watch:

http://thebristolblogger.wordpress.com/2009/05/24/greedy-bastard-watch/

who said satire was dead?

Men should either be treated generously or destroyed, because they take revenge for slight injures - for heavy ones they cannot.

Niccolò di Bernardo dei Machiavelli

1469 - 1527


ODD PAGES

At last some good news to cheer us all....

Amid the record rise in unemployment, lowest ever manufacturing output, collapse of retailing, commercial property worth nothing, shortage of school and university places, NHS shortfalls, impending pensions time bomb, unsustainable ageing population.....bailed out by the taxpayer, US bank Goldman Sachs unveils a profit of $3.4bn (GBP2.1bn) for the second quarter of 2009, easily beating analysts expectations.

The bank said it has set aside $6.65bn for pay and bonuses in the quarter - an average of $226,000 per employee.

Goldman Sachs says FUCK THE WORLD ......Goldman sachs, WE SALUTE YOU!

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Police Inquiry After Death of Yet Another "World’s Oldest Man"

Police have launched an investigation following the death of The World's Oldest Man, just weeks after the previous incumbent died in very similar circumstances.

"Clearly there is something going on," said Chief Inspector, Jack Regan, "We intend to find out exactly why these very old men keep on dying."

In the past fifty years every one of the World’s Oldest Men has lost his title as a result of death. "This is obviously more than just coincidence." said Inspector Regan. "I fear that a sinister and tragic pattern may be emerging."

Police have issued a description of a man seen in the area described as "tall, hooded, with a pasty white face and carrying a scythe."

The revelations have prompted the new World’s Oldest Man, 112-year-old Arthur Grouch, to break with convention and refuse to accept the title. "Just look at what happened to all the others." Said Mr Grouch, "I want no part of it."

According to the rules, if the next in line refuses to accept the title, then the position of World’s Oldest Man must be resolved via a televised competition in which old men from around the world compete to see who is most elderly. Tasks will include being very wrinkly, staring blankly into space, smelling of wee and mumbling something about once meeting Queen Victoria. The show will be televised in December with commentary from Stuart Storey.

The police inquiry follows questions raised last year when a World’s Oldest Man lost his title after being given the bumps.

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WHO suspicion as China quarantines Tibet

There was deep suspicion today after news emerged that China had completely quarantined Tibet.

With swine flu becoming increasingly problematic for China, specialist Tami-tanks rolled into Lhasa's streets this morning. A Chinese Government spokesman confirmed that this was planned to 'restrict the spread of this virulent pox',whilst rejecting completely rumours that anti-government protestors, Uighurs and people selling cheap Rolex knock-offs would also be quarantined.

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The Diary of The Ghost Of Samuel Pepys (aged 376 and five months) In The year of Our Lord Two Thousand and Nine. Plague Year.

Up betimes, and by black cab to Mr A. Burnham's office. On the way seeing a wretched heavy bellyied woman coughing of the pygge sickness. But no matter, for women already warned not to be with child or travel on the lower ground or in crowdes while this plague creepes upon us and so is her faulte.

Waited an houre for Mr. Burnham and when called in, agree with his wordes he saying women with child should stay in and stay out and not avoid crowdes yet avoid crowdes.

Thence enters Mr Burnham's secretary with advise as to a National Pygge Service whereby victims of the pygge plague may byepasse chirugiens and aske they be locked in their homes and crosses painted on the doors. Mr B rejoiced claiming this as his owne thoughts thence all was well, I noticing the hairs on his eyes being overly long.

Cab home, stopping for a burger, and to bed. But no joy with my wife who was coughing her bluddy gutts up.

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OTHER DRIVEL

  • Government warns Swine Flu may be as much as 0.000000001 per cent as deadly as MRSA.
  • National Rail offloads assets with sale of 2 allotments. Both plots measure 16 feet wide by 3274 miles long.
  • Terror as Government admit 60 million people DON'T have swine flu.
  • Brown says he's made helicopters 'more affordable' by cutting VAT.
  • Organic Dildo farm invaded by squatters.
  • Cherie Blair to do lecture tour on Swine Flu.
  • Killing of Britons outsourced to Afghanistan.

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JACKO CORNER