THE POPULAR FRONT FOR THE LIBERATION OF CPSA
FREEDOM! UNITY! SOCIALISM!
REVOLUTION UNTIL VICTORY!
ROUND AND ABOUT
The first winds of spring rustle through the barbed wire heralding the long hot summer we hope is coming to compensate for the dark days we've put up with along the front-line this winter. But it's almost like peace-time in the trenches with the old-timers getting their hand in a round of cards, or maybe darts and snooker while the younger element catch up on their computer games. But in the darker recesses of the mess-rooms another old game is being played because it's balloting time.
Happy days or maybe not for the SOCIALIST WANKERS who are in turmoil following their ousting from RESPECT by the great GEORGE GALLOWAY that was blamed on JOHN REES and LINDSEY GERMAN, who in turn got the Order of the Boot from the SWP's national leadership. Our own ANDY REID (SRU Westminster VO), who sits on the NEC by the grace and favour of the grandees, failed to get elected to the SWP National Council though ANNA (the Mouth) OWENS kept the flag by amending their "National Perspectives" document - the annual rant from the leadership - to slag off the grandee leadership for calling off the Poppy Day offensive last year. Membership figures told an interesting story. In 2007 only one PCS member joined the SWP but last year eleven apparently signed up. Who and where would be interesting to know. They've got no-one in London DWP since PHIL PARDOE and TANSY FELTIS left and many of us think the SOCIALIST WANKERS are now extinct in the Greater London area of PCS . A small reserve is believed to exist in Oxford but they may be too small to successfully breed.
PHIL PARDOE left last year for the happier climes of the NUT, an irrelevant teacher's union that suits him down to a tee, which is fast becoming the last refuge for Trot has-beens who can't stand the heat in Falconcrest. The universally hated National Organiser and lothario, NIGEL VENES, will soon be joining him. His unique talent was to unite everyone in loathing of him and he will not be missed.
NICK CLARK, the diminutive policy adviser to the General Secretary is poncing off to become a "fellow" at some London University and MARTIN JOHN is widely tipped to get his desk. JOHN has already been seconded to SERWOTKA's office and looks well placed when the job is advertised.
Grown men were reported to have wept this week as STELLA DENNIS was appointed DWP Group Secretary proving yet again it ain't what you know, it's who you know. SENNA THE SOOTHSAYER takes up post immediately.
Apparently, there are industrial relations problems in the PCS Glasgow office. Tommy Sheridan's ex-PA has raised grievances and there have been counter grievances lodged. A GMB rep from London has been sent to investigate.
Though EDDY SPENCE's farewell London beano was a wash-out (see PFL passim) many of his old chums crept out of the woodwork for his repeat performance in Liverpool. CHRIS DOUGLAS (late of DWP) and GEOFF BYRNE (Mendicant star on standing orders) were there along with DAVE SAN , another CPSA Mendicant back in the 1980s. Sad to say the former firebrand sold-out long ago and he's now a high-caste GRADE 6 in HMRC. No Mendicant old comrades' bash would be the same without DOREEN PURVIS - now planning to carve a new career in the wrinklies Associate and Retired Members Society (ARMS) along with TERRY MARTIN, who has bizarrely re-invented herself as a bereavement counsellor.
The row in MOD, exclusively reported by yours truly in last month's communiqué, has now turned into open warfare. ANDY GILBERTSON, ROBERT JACK and CALUM CAMPBELL have been purged by MOD Lunity for putting their names forward against the LU slate in the GEC elections while others have been told to keep their mouths shut by MOD grandees JIM WILLIAMSON and ALAN DENNIS who say:
"Equally, it is worth reiterating that LU internal 'business' should remain exactly that, internal. Whilst it is clear that most LU members understand and adhere to that key principal, it has also become clear, following recent incidents (including an article on the PFL website), that individuals outside of LU are aware of internal arguments and issues and are only too keen to reveal them to a wider audience. Careless talk costs votes (and damages our credibility)!"
There is a distinct possibility that at least two MOD GEC officers (LU members) will be reported to JANICE GODRICH (and in one case, MOD management) for serious breaches of confidence. They have been widely spreading tales that three PCS MOD Group activists are being investigated for financial irregularities. One of these GEC officers also happens to be the first line manager to one of the three concerned and, as such, has broken Civil Service regulations on the confidentiality between a manager and his staff, which could attract a disciplinary charge of gross misconduct from the Department.
Make the most of Brighton this year - it may be your last. The redevelopment of the Brighton Centre could start this year and there's no alternative venue in town. PCS had always intended to return to Bournemouth but the new conference centre is, apparently, smaller than the one they tore down and it can no longer accommodate main conference. Fear not - the best brains at Falconcrest have come up with three alternative venues. They are in LIVERPOOL, GLASGOW and the north Wales seaside resort of RHYL. The Glasgow conference centre looks like a converted aircraft hanger and delegates will have to be warned not to wear blue or green outside conference unless they actually are RANGERS or CELTIC fans or can handle themselves. LIVERPOOL 's centre has yet to be built and RHYL's only claim to fame is that it is the birth-place of RUTH ELLIS, the last woman to be hanged in 1955.
Est autem fides credere quod nondum vides; cuius fidei merces est videre quod credis
Faith is to believe what you do not see; the reward of this faith is to see what you believe.
St Augustine of Hippo
354 - 430 AD
First draft of latest issue of "INFORMED - News from the NEC" before it was tidied up.
Formula 1 Announces Exciting New Package
At a press conference in London today, Bernie Ecclestone announced a range of measures to improve the commercial appeal of Formula 1.
“In these days of economic recession” he said “it is important that F1 appeals to as many people around the world as possible. A survey conducted by industry experts has shown that increasingly the world of F1 is becoming remote and elitist, and the common people are becoming more and more disillusioned with the sport”.
“Therefore, I am very excited to announce a raft of measures that will bring F1 back into the public domain. Negotiations with all the participating countries are at an advanced stage, but I can today reveal some of these improvements to the 2009 F1 season”.
“In England there will be a number of new features. ITV have agreed to produce a new program called ‘Britain’s Got the Lollipop Factor’. Lollipop ladies from throughout the land will compete in a series of rigorous and humorous tasks, and the winning person will perform lollipop duties at Silverstone at pre-determined intervals during the British Grand Prix. The BBC will have a similar, but obviously not very similar, competition called ‘Wonder Wardens’. Local authorities in Britain will be invited to nominate Traffic Wardens to participate in the competition, and the 2 winning wardens will patrol the pit lane during the race. Any team whose pit-stop lasts longer than 15 seconds will be issued with a parking ticket, which will help generate income for our beleaguered organisation. The safety car will be replaced by a tractor towing a wagon-load of hay, there will be police speed traps at the end of the main straight, and The Caravan Club has agreed to provide vehicles to make the whole spectacle much more British”.
“In France negotiations are in an advanced state to combine the French Grand Prix with one of the stages of the Tour de France, and dozens of weaving men on old bikes will add interest to the race”.
“In Spain we have been in touch with Pamplona District Council, and they have agreed to organise their famous bull run around the track during the Spanish Grand Prix”.
“American truckers are on stand-by to provide a convoy of brightly-coloured 56-ton articulated lorries, and Canada will cover their track in 18 inches of snow just before the start of the Canadian race.”
“Brazil have agreed that the Sao Paolo track will make an excellent venue for a street carnival, and that the racing cars will not spoil the fun”.
“The German Grand Prix will be switched to October, and the track lined with beer-swilling dancers”.
“All in all, I think you will agree that the measures, together with those being negotiated with other countries, will ensure the continued success of F1”
Sports Minister Gerry Sutcliffe, who attended the press conference, then said “ I am very excited about these proposals. In these times of economic difficulties, it is good to see an entrepreneur like Bernie who is prepared to take the bull by the horns and forge ahed. At the end of the day, Mr. Ecclestone is someone that we can all look up to”.