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North of the Border
By Agent McCavity

SCOTLAND is known for many unique assets…the Edinburgh Festival, Burns Night, Haggis, Nessie, golf and whisky…but sadly it has more than its fair share of hypocrites. People like…

COUNCILLOR STEVE "BRUISER" CARDOWNIE, late of this parish, who has gone up in the world since moving out of the taxi business. The former Socialist Wanker firebrand turned BL'84 leading light is now DEPUTY LORD PROVOST OF EDINBURGH.

Interviewed in the Scotsman about the JOCKOLAND capital's growing reputation for binge drinking - it's apparently taken over from Dublin as the stag/hen night capital of the British Isles - HIS McWORSHIP suggested that reports of growing concern amongst residents and the licensed trade itself about drunken behaviour in the city's streets were grossly exaggerated.

This will come as no surprise to those who remember STEVE's court appearance, about a decade back, following an altercation in MATHER’s, a well-known city centre haunt for intellectuals.

Well its been an interesting summer on the PCS Indie site at any rate. Dunno if you've followed the astonishing attacks on ROBIN MCKENDRICK but he's been variously accused of, betraying PCS members in the Scottish Office by walking out on pay negotiations to get his G7 promotion; opportunist serial group hopping from the Trots to the Secret Left and now the Moderati (did he stop off at Me First on the way, I forget), abusing his facility time (when he had some) by staying at home; and even alleged addictions to illegal substances... all of which it has to be stressed the great man vigorously denies...

And now rumours of splits within the Mod camp over how to react to their defeat, with ex-dim left supporters who advocate a broad anti-trot front being vilified by hardcore Moderati as "not proper Moderates", and calls for an open meeting to discuss the fightback meeting resistance from die-hard Moderati who still seem to think BARRY is going to come riding back on a white charger and save their sorry skins.

The once inseparable BOIL and BERNIE WILLIAMS are rumoured to be squaring up for the Moderati's endorsement for DGS, with BERNIE reported to consider BOIL too tainted by association with BARRY, leaving himself conveniently positioned as the only candidate who can stop the rot. BERNIE is calling for a Moderati convention to relaunch their tattered banner under a new name and with it his own hopes of returning to the PCS gravy train. But the Trots won’t be shaking in their boots yet. The best that the Moderati grandees can come up with for a new name is…you’ve guessed it, “The New Moderate Group”!!

Sensibly (for once) McCann is keeping very quiet.

Add to this a rumoured comeback for PRATTLEMUCH in a senior role, with suggestions that FRANK CRUMBLE will stand under any banner that'll have him, and the autumn looks like being even more fun!