"Byle karabin byl w garsci, taki co w boju nie chybi…"
W Broniewski

Church bells are ringing from Walsall to Warsaw as the news of MAREK SERWOTKA's stunning victory spreads across the Continent. Marek becomes only the second Pole in history to lead a major trade union. The first, LECH WALESA, later became President of Poland. Who knows what's in store for Marek…

Down in Trotland the ale is flowing as the Assorted Trots celebrate in a style not seen since the Seventies. In the dark corridors of Falconcrest BARRY and the BOYS - Messrs BOYLE, CURRIE, SMITH, McCANN & Co - are smiling with quiet satisfaction at putting the loathsome Lanning in his place. But in the dingy bunkers of ME FIST, Lord UNDY is glances at the shadows not knowing who is going to plunge the dagger in his back first.

Serwotka's victory, by 40,740 votes to 33,942, was due partly to the full mobilisation of every Trot in the union, helped a bit by ordinary members who wanted to give two fingers to Lanning, James Undy and the Underlings, and significantly by a large number of the Moderati who had been less than covertly told to give Marek his day of glory.

The Mods now have the initiative. First of all LANNING is on the ropes. He couldn't defeat the Trots - he let them in, this is what you get when you move against Barry -- is what the Moderati are already chanting. The ball's in their court.

In early January the legal challenge to the 50 nominations rule - raised by PAULINE ABRAMS - will be heard. Now, if the Commissioner upholds the appeal, which is more than likely, then there will have to be another election. Or not…

It's possible that dear Pauline may now have second thoughts. This is extremely unlikely if only because the 50 hurdle is likely to beyond the reach of any Mod candidate, let alone those who covet RAMSBLADDER's mantle. But having SERWOTKA in post, for at least the two years when he's got to work under BARRY's eye does have some attractions.

First of all the Moderati need to find a successor. Theoretically, BARRY could run in a new poll. His agreement only applies to the one that's just gone. This is unlikely. Ramsbladder has got what he's wanted; two year's of clover to keep him in whisky until his juicy fat pension comes when he's 55. The fact that he's written a vicious piece in the Daily Mail about the allegedly brutal treatment at the hands of Gestapo-type nuns when he was at the Nazareth House orphanage shows that he now cares little for the Catholic vote which he so earnestly cultivated throughout his past union career. So it's more or less safe to say that dear old Barry is now definitely on his way out.

But who's going to take his place. A year ago MARTIN BOYLE would be the obvious answer. FATTY, now he's discovered the bliss of married life (again) is less and less keen to trade blows with his enemies - which are legion. VAL STANSFIELD is another option but Skippy's fans are all based in London. CURRIE and SMITH are not nationally known, even though they think otherwise and ABRAMS doesn't want a full-time post.

So the Mods need time to think. Of course, if ME FIRST suddenly saw the light and offered to accept a "compromise" candidate for a joint campaign to deal with SERWOTKA in a re-run the Moderati would jump at it. But the only two immediate choices - BOYLE or SKIPPY - are hardly the stuff of "compromise". Both hate ME FIST more than they hate the TROTS. Both have lists longer than the Great Wall of China, Skippy's is probably double that of Boyle's, and Undy, Lanning and the dregs of the Unity group are top on both.

LORD FLICK, who is already under fire from within his own camp, is placing all his bets on a re-run. He's gonna lose face by being forced to back down on the 50 nominations rule but that's better than losing everything, which is what is going to happen if LANNING fails. NOSFERUNDI is banking now on a new three-horse race between ME FIRST, the Moderati and the Trots. This, he hopes, will leave Marek with just the core Trot and mainly low caste vote, the Moderati with the right-wing lower castes while the Underlings mop up their high-caste constituency and Lanning wins.

It's a gamble. The Moderati may not play ball at all. They could drop the case. They could even run a no-hope lay candidate if they had to while still mobilising on the quiet for Serwotka to keep Lanning out. They might even settle for the acceptance of a lower nominations number for future elections and opt not to contest the re-run, on the grounds that they haven't had time to choose a suitable candidate. After all they've still got Barry until 2002 as sole General Secretary…

In the Trot camp Serwotka's followers are tasting the wild fruits of victory and scoring points over their Mendicant rivals, who now call themselves the "Socialist Party".

And in the Mendicant camp there's also bitterness. Old UNCLE MAC sees that the one chance he had in his entire life to become General Secretary came and went without him even noticing it - all because LEON BAUGH could not see the wood for the trees until it was too late, and that all for a vice-presidency that BAUGH was never going to get in the first place.

RUNSWICK, the great thinker and self-appointed guru of the left, realises that for the next year or so, he's going to have to dance to a tune played by Marek and his comrades in the Alliance for Wankers' Liberty, a tune he's been waiting to play for over twenty years.

And as for "Unity", they're finished.

A further point to ponder is MAREK's GS CONTRACT: If he signs up to it to take over as sole GS in 2002, and the courts order a rerun, SERWOTKA could sue for breach of contract. £300,000 should cover the tab...

NEWS FROM THE SMOKING GUN
by Barrabas

Interesting NEC today:

Predictably, there was some rather extreme piss-taking of BOB BOWMAN, HUGE LACKEY's organiser, by the MODS at the NEC.

After the NEC, drinkies paid for by "PCS plus" were supposed to be a celebration party for ME1ST. Turned out to be a smug gloating party by the MODERATI.

VERONICA BAYNE, liberally refreshed, could not believe the MODR8s were so happy about LANNING's loss. STUART CURRIE was heard to say 'I'm not happy about who's won, It's who's lost that I'm happy about.'

Our spies tell us that the MODS did a fair amount of undercover canvassing for MAREK, with one MOD saying openly 'yeah my branch nominated BARRY one week, then send out a support MARK SERWOTKA leaflet the week after'

JAMES UNDY and SARAH JONES put a brave face on things by going along to the bash, what they didn't realise was that the remainder of the ME1STERS had disappeared to the smoking room to have a post mortem over the election. Knives out for Sarah and James?

Mr HUGH LANOLIN was seen to be in deep discussion with one of the firms that had set up shop for the do, none other than THOMSONS SOLICITORS. Need a Solicitor, Hugh?

The CATHOLIC CALEDONIAN MAFIA of the MODS led by Mr Reamsbottom disappeared to WIMBLEDON DOGS for a night of drinking and gambling.

Word reaches me that, after the GS election, Reamsbottom was invited to Mr Speaker Martin's party to celebrate his first Queen's speech and election as speaker. They attended the same school or something.

Who should sidle up to Barry but Chancellor Gordon Brown demanding to know "What the f uck's going on in your union?"

Dave Owen gains points for sneaking what must be the first televised mention of Marek's heroic victory into a rant on Question Time last night, but loses marks (sorry) for failing to mention our Glorious Leader Elect by name.

Meanwhilee former Membership Department teaboy Neil Fergus has migrated down under with his partner and, having belatedly realised that he is going to need to earn a living and having no discernible skills to offer, is desperately trying to blag a sinecure in either the Aussie trade union movement or civil service. He has already used up any remaining good will amongst former PCS and civil service colleagues at home by his insistence on emailing them photos of him and the missus sunning themselves under blue skies while we all endure freezing conditions, third world transport services and crap jobs back in Blighty, so we wish him every failure and serve the cocky little bastard right.