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ROUND AND ABOUT
BY JUDAS ISCARIOT - APRIL 2005

It’s all quiet on the Western Front again but all along the front line rumours are spreading of a new offensive in the summer after the general election. But those close to High Command doubt it. Though there was a lot of fiery talk at the London DWP branch secretaries’ meeting with the National Disputes Committee and the General Secretary last week insiders left convinced that nothing will happen.

Branch after branch spoke in favour of the SOCIALIST CARCASE call for a new offensive now but even CHARLIE McDONALD conceded that it would “require a lot of work” in his own demoralised Hackney trenches. But others were “gagging for it” according to Messrs DIAMANTIS and HULME. Harrow was prepared to go for “indefinite” action “providing they were not isolated”.

But the actual nature of the ballot was left up in the air. Both MARK SERWOTKA and JOHN MCNALLY addressed the potential legal problems that would have to be resolved because the actual nature of the requested ballot was neither clear nor straightforward. This argument was never resolved in the meeting. Mark Serwotka summing up reminded the meeting that the PCS does not and cannot hold a “no job losses” position and to do so was “unrealistic”.

The lull has done little to spark much enthusiasm for our forthcoming elections. That the DEMOCRACY slate of LUNITY and the Underlings will sweep the board again seems a forgone conclusion. MOIRA CAMPBELL clearly isn’t preparing for government, that’s for sure. She buggered off on holiday during prime canvassing time on 28 th March and didn’t return until 18 th April leaving all the 4theMembers work – such as it is – in the not so capable hands of JAKE WILDE.

JAKE the RAKE claims to be a graduate in political science. Well last week he was taught a lesson they may have missed on his syllabus. The Revenue & Customs GEC voted to merge the two DTUSs and there can, of course, only be one DTUS Secretary. Much to JAKE’S surprise, but no-one else’s, the job went to the ex-C&E opposite number, DOREEN McNEIL with LUNITY support. So it looks like Jake's going back to driving a desk again.....well, unless he's elected National President and I wouldn’t put money on that!

DOMINIC McFADDEN warned JAKE not to accuse DOREEN of stitching him up “or else”. When Jake asked him if that was some sort of threat DOMINIC replied: “If I wanted to threaten you, you would know about it”. LUNITY made no attempt to hide the fact that it was entirely political. BONIFACE even admitted in his speech that the motion was written deliberately to prevent JAKE from being able to stand for his own job (GEC members only) and WILDE’S two staff also got the boot.

The knives are also out at Falconcrest as the personal politics of the parasites who work there blend seamlessly into the factional strife of the national union. MAREK’S sack-cloth and ashes piety is coming under renewed fire following the death of his compatriot in Rome this month. Though he did indeed renounce the full whack when he was elected GS he nevertheless didn’t do too bad out of it (see Mark’s Pay A-Greed for the PFL’s comment at the time). It now transpires that MAREK got an £18k loan, 3k for curtains and PCS also paid for carpets and blinds. The temps in his office are hand picked outside normal procedures and paid £16 an hour. One chap worked there for a bit, left, then rang MCCREADIE who sacked an existing temp to bring this man back at more than normal pay.

You might want to keep your ear out for news from the TUC as word has reached me that a sack load of sexual harassment complaints have been filed against one Mr N VENES, the ageing Lothario of Falconcrest.

All’s not well in the provinces either. The aftermath of STELLA DENNIS' appointment to the National Officer post in Leeds over the heads of three disgruntled incumbents continues to rumble on. NELLY TAKLA-WRIGHT has not been seen since Christmas. She is taking the Union to an ET over the appointment and is on long term sick. She is also pursuing an internal grievance. DAVE WILKINSON has transferred in to Leeds from Liverpool following personal problems and refuses to work for STELLA. This left the hapless IAN TAYLOR ending up with the honour of being Stella's first underling as he was on sick leave himself when the lots were cast. He, like NELLY, is desperate to get out. No-one is likely to stand in his way.

Stella meanwhile stumbled through a Regional Committee meeting this week unable to string two words together, and correspondents and callers report her unable to answer simple personal case queries without reference to TAYLOR & her other staff. She is being sent on a management course with some haste to fend off further complaints.

Meanwhile CAWKWELL continues to amuse. He recently turned up with a bloody head claiming a bicycle accident but sources close to the fat drunken dwarf think otherwise. CORKY is often to be spied desk-perching around the Leeds office peering down the blouses of unsuspecting female staff. He is universally loathed in the office and a resounding cheer inevitably goes up whenever he leaves for the day.

EDDIE SPENCE is nowhere to be seen. Failing defiantly to back Stella's appointment against all the odds on last year's panel, he is now persona non grata with the hierarchy and spends his days drinking with his old mate STEVE FARLEY in Liverpool now that he has expanded his empire to cover the Merseyside office.

In the People’s Republic of South Yorkshire it’s not going too well for LEE ROCK, ex-London CARCASE topman and something big in the fringe group that publishes the WEEDY WANKER. Apparently LEE told the Barnsley AGM that “if he didn’t get elected Barnsley would not have a voice at conference”. This has caused much bemusement amongst local members who refer to him now as “the cockney voice for Barnsley ” No wonder they didn’t elect him for anything!!

Soon we will all meet again in Brighton. Or some of us that is. It’s the final bow for JOHN McCREADIE, who will definitely be retiring this year. He’s bought a villa in the south of France near that of his old MENDICANT comrade TERRY ADAMS.

SEAN FAHEY will only be attending IR Group conference as his Missus Dot (who is a nurse) has banned him from Main Conference due to his high blood pressure. This has gone down well with soon to be GRANPA MCHUGH whose daughter Alison is due to give birth on July 22nd. TED EUERS was absent at the Newcastle AGM and rumours abound that he is doing some kind of work for the Northern TUC. Old Bastard award (PCS Gold badge) 2005 recipient DOREEN PURVIS is looking to book a flat in Brighton as she will be inviting the likes of TERRY MARTIN and her jailbird husband Ian Thompson down to witness her presentation. PURVIS has been heard bragging that it was her intervention with her local MP DAVID MILLIBAND that swung the Government into the pensions u-turn !

"There is one safeguard known generally to the wise, which is an advantage and security to all, but especially to democracies as against despots - suspicion."

Demosthenes
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SEPARATED AT BIRTH

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