gold eagle













by Judas Iscariot

It was a sombre Tuesday evening as group delegates bade farewell to Brighton and national conference people were unpacking. Amongst the ranks of LUNITY the thoughts were on the battles to come in DWP and the other fronts. Some seventy went to hear PAUL FOOT and MARK SERWOTKA at the RESPECT RALLY at the QUEENS HOTEL but no-one could recall what he actually said.

It’s very rare to see PAUL FOOT in public these days following his heart-attack but he is close to leading SOCIALIST WANKER and DWP GEC member PHIL PARDOE who is also in FOOTY’S local London SWP branch. This is the richest SWP branch in the land because of PAUL FOOT’S generous tithe. PHIL was the long-standing treasurer of this branch and he counts in thousands of pounds rather than the usual pennies that most of his comrades have to put up with.
Paul Foot
Roland Biosah OBE

Others left early to prepare themselves for the CHIEF BIOSAH O.B.E Black members’ carnival down the road. STEEL & NEWLYN were there dancing themselves silly in their bid to buy black votes.

LUNITY had a mass meeting last night to discuss today’s business and the CARCASE leapt in to support their pet motion calling for a reduction in full-time officers pay. This was opposed by LEON BAUGH and his followers on the grounds that the motion “was badly worded”. This, of course, has nothing to do with the fact that all the future vacancies have been ear-marked for themselves.

In the SHIP HOTEL the ANTI-BUNTERITES were progressing along the unity agenda agreed with the IR ME FIRSTERS with the aim of building a credible “centre” challenge to the TROTS in 2005.

STUART CURRIE is finished although he won’t admit it. They blame him for the stagnation and the wasted year that followed the downfall of RAMSBLADDER. They say his failure to come up with any policies at all apart from TROT-baiting cost them votes at the last election, apart from the nine phantom seats on a committee that will never meet. STEEL & NOBODY spent under a grand in their election campaign and now they’re household names. CURRIE could have done this for the Moderati. But he didn’t because he was lazy.

LES PRIESTLEY, who is regularly informed of developments from his sick-bed, has wider ambitions. His next step is to win over the “PCS DEMOCRATS”, get them to dump JAMES WILSON-UNDY O.B.E. and join him. And LES can do this because he is a high-caste like them. They all hate LUNITY anyway and if they could be guaranteed to keep their seats there’d be a stampede to the MAD MONK.
James Undy OBE

In the run-up to the merger PRIESTLEY, RAMSBLADDER and UNDY were all allies and the idea was that the old IR MAINSTREAM, CPSA Moderates and PTC ME FIRSTERS would maintain joint slates until Kingdom Come. They all fell out soon after. The MAD MONK felt he should have been the third signature on every deal but he was frozen out by NOSFERUNDY and BARRY.

When RAMSBLADDER fell, CURRIE rejected PRIESTLEY’S overtures which enraged the MONK who sees CURRIE as nothing more than a jumped-up clerk. This happened again earlier this year and STUART fielded two of his own men for the SFTO posts – a move that could have jeopardised the DYNAMIC DUOS drive to get past the 25 nomination hurdle. The last straw was a BUNTER all-Moderati email claiming that NEWLYN had nobbled DAVE ALLEN’S bid for a senior officer post at FALCONCREST. It’s true that DAVE was none to happy at being turned down and he fucked off to UNIFI soon after. But he doesn’t blame NOBODY and claims that BUNTER’S story never happened.

Word has got back to Currie via his mole at conference. He’s issued a statement on the PCS Independent internet bulletin board ( which we reprint below:

Dear all,

I have read the rumours about the National Moderate Group and I can confirm that they are accurate.

I understand that at the conference a group of people, including NEC members just elected, decided to leave the National Moderate Group and form their own group which will work hand in glove with those from the Revenue.

This has been on the cards for some time with those from the old Democratic Left and the IRMF finally getting their wish to set up on their own.

The National Moderate Group will continue and will put forward candidates for national elections as well as put forward policies in between elections on the issues that really affect PCS members.

Hope this clears up any confusion.

Stuart Currie
National Moderate Group

While all this is going on is been business as usual in CONFERENCE WORLD. The YORKSHIRE SOVIET SURVIVORS went on a pub-crawl last night led by former stalwart ANN JARVIS, late of this union. I bet she looked a pretty sight this morning.

STEVE CAWKWELL continues to suffer from “stress” – you know the malady that can only be cured by vast quantities of strong spirit. On Monday night at a bash at the ROYAL ALBION, he spied CAWKWELL look-alike comedian STEVE GIBBONS doing his turn and suffered from a momentary identity crisis. That too can only cured by vast amounts of alcohol.

Be on your guard this week – the PREDATORY GAY is back on the scene and is already making his presence felt. JONATHAN SHIPMAN from RAF WYTON disgraced himself at the DWP bash on Monday by grabbing a tasty delegate of the opposite sex and proceeded to fondle her much to envy of the equally degenerate COLONEL HARDING of the Firestarters Brigade and his lecherous sidekick HAGGAR.

Dennis Nilsen

Meanwhile STEVE SHIPMAN (no relation but from COLONEL HARDINGS branch) has infuriated the MOD GEC by referring to them collectively as “a mixture of woodentops and political eunuchs” in his election address. This SHIPMAN, known as the “GOOD DOCTOR” to distinguish him from JONATHAN, is easily recognisable as he is the spitting image of DUANE DOBERMAN, the short fat, ugly one in PHIL SILVER’S Bilko Show.

For the record, the mass-murderer Dr HAROLD SHIPMAN, wasn’t related to either of the two above, nor a former member of this union – that was DENNIS NILSEN, ex-CPSA branch secretary.

The DWP SW LONDON delegation led by mild-mannered branch chair STAN STENNETT, is staying at the salubrious QUEENSBURY HOTEL. Late Monday night he found an elderly lady wandering around the corridor. She had locked herself out and the night-porter could not be raised. STAN being the hero that he is (recently suspended for refusing to write PDS reports) found a Z-bed and some old blankets and put her up in the bathroom of his delegation suite. When the rest of the delegation returned somewhat tired at about 2.30, the old lady woke up and started talking, giving him a hard time and he couldn’t get any sleep for hours. When he did doze off at around 6.00 am she woke up and started babbling on again. As for the hotel, the paper’s peeling off the walls which are covered in mould. The FAWLTY-style night-porter has never been seen, and the manager, according to branch secretary JANE ROGERS, gives handy hints to selected male clients on how to “pick up drunken 18-year old tarts and bring them back for a shag”. Don’t ask who booked this hotel – JANE did.


PALO ALTO, CA—In a revolutionary breakthrough with the potential to forever alter the way humans defecate, Palo Alto-based Internet company Ascent Technologies announced Monday the successful development of the first-ever "e-toilet."

"It's incredibly exciting," said Ascent CEO Jeff Scoscia, considered by members of the digerati to be the father of the cyberdump. "The e-toilet will revolutionize on-line waste elimination through the democratization of access to high-speed electronic bathrooms."

"Of course, rudimentary pee-commerce has been around almost as long as the Internet itself," Scoscia said, "but our new e-toilet will bring the Internet into the 21st century with real-time point, click and shit capability."

The Fundamentals
“Prayers Are Politics”

Motion A5 - Oppose
Privatisation of the labour market isn’t necessarily a bad thing. At least it is preferable to the real agenda of the
Atheists - privatisation of the Family. Throw out this routine liberal attack on the family.
Motion A7 - Oppose
Faith based charity is the bedrock of Christian Society. What are these people afraid of? They’re afraid of letting
the Lord into their lives. Show them just what you think of them.
Motion A10 - Oppose.
Motion A12 - Support
But remember that our needs are not met by Mammon alone. Our religious interests must not be left out of the
Motion A13 -Oppose
One of the most naked attempts at state control of the Family on the agenda. Wicked!
Motion A14 - Support
But once again we note the inclusion of every form of discrimination the liberals disdain but the omission of the
most widespread form of discrimination in this country today - discrimination against God’s People.
Motion A15 - Support
And take the opportunity to bring people to Jesus.
Motion A16 - Oppose
Why line the pockets of the heathen? The doors of the church are always open. Open your heart to Jesus and he
will take care of all your earthly needs. A Good Slave Seeks and Finds Delight in His Master’s Success - Matthew 22

Eve’s Droppings
"We all have the right to be ugly bastards but Jim McKay is abusing the privelege." -- Jim McKay

“Asparagus really makes your pee smell” -- Apollo
“I've stopped drinking mine” -- Islam

Probationary Martyr Status will be awarded in the usual fashion to the first delegate who announces our
triumphant return with an appropriate PFL Point of Order. It is by far the quickest way to advertise our eternal
presence, but novices should not sacrifice their Conference careers for our sake. Sitting in our usual position in
the Bar seems to work just as well and only slightly more slowly.

Routine reports should be filed with one of the Brothers during office hours. Final debriefing in the OLD SHIP
at 10 pm every evening. Deep cover agents in possession of our secret codes can send copy through up until 3

Official Tacky T-Shirts are now available from Senior Officers, temptingly priced at £10. Costs Continue to Rise
Folding Please give generously and often. Cash preferred, but cheques made payable to PFLCPSA are ten pound note not acceptable, backed by a current cheque guarantee card . It's safe this year to give donations to the retired bearded chap with the walking stick, Oxfam suit and appalling snuff habit - he's retarded . Remember - we fearless agents life and depend on a small number of drunken hooligans who daily risk losing their place at the bar limb to bring you the truth. If you wish to join this select band, simply approach an Imam with an appropriate Paradise supplication. This will guarantee your place in Purdah .

The Website is up and running (since 1978) at

"He that is without sin among you let him cast the first stone at her." John, 8:7 - Revised Aramco