gold eagle












FRIDAY 10th JUNE 2005

Round & About

By Judas Iscariot

On the Revenue front speculation is growing that LES PRIESTLEY is going to make one last stab at the Group president, now that it appears that the joint elections will not take place until late January 2006. Though the MAD MONK insists that the decision must be made by the full 4theMembers Group, few would stand in his way if he lets his name go forward. He’s got nothing to lose apart from more face if he falls, while a victory – at the moment most unlikely – would be a significant boost to the dominant right-wing front that effectively is now led by JAKE WILDE. Already the talk is that the Revenue’s ring-fenced minority veto will continue till 2010.

In the meantime LES’S followers are still gunning for BIFFA BRYANT, who is expected to get off the rule 10 complaint relating to his 2003 Christmas social fisticuffs with EASTWOOD that led to his dismissal and subsequent reinstatement. Whether BRYANT escapes chastisement or goes down for an 8 month suspension from all union posts (which is the minimum the MONK’S MEN are demanding) matters little in the broader scale of things as the call-up candidate for BRYANT’S GEC seat is also a member of LUNITY. But he’s also regarded as far more popular and able than BRYANT whose only saving grace is that he’s a loyal toady of Mr BEAN. It’s a win/win situation for JAKE the RAKE. If BRYANT goes 4theMembers will say their vicious smear campaign was vindicated. If he stays that particular campaign will continue with renewed vengeance.

The new regime at the Home Office may have swept LUNITY out but they’ve still to deal with the scab “Immigration Service Union”, an odious unofficial staff association that operates with the blessing of Management. The source of many of the anti-immigrant scare stories in the Daily Mail and the Sun is often the ISU whose public stance borders on racism. No one reported for work at Belfast airport during the wave of strikes over pay in January and management were forced to fly in a ISU member to keep the airports immigration control open.

The ISU’s “president for life” is RALPH TOOME, a senior manager in Immigration. The ISU provides a number of staff services much like the AA or CSMA and perhaps half the Immigration Officers are now members, largely because the ISU proudly proclaims its opposition to any form of strike action. They pay around a tenner a month for this.

What the ISU are not so proud about is the antics of one of their founding fathers, TONY ROBERTS, a retired Immigration Officer who is being investigated by the police on suspicion of embezzling £200,000 of the scab outfit’s money to finance a vice ring run by his Eastern European girl-friend.

Smirk Free Rooms etc

DWP Tayside delegation are keen to hear from anyone who can establish the whereabouts of JOHN McGOWAN who has not been seen since the start of National Conference at 9.05 am on Wednesday. They are not over- worried about his non-attendance but are concerned lest anything unfortunate has befallen him. The loss of his DWP VP was enough. Unfortunately none of us got to see RALPH GROVES or CHIEF BIOSAH OBE. GROVES ’ motive was the more venal of the two as it appears that the old codgers association were not prepared to pay any Xs for the trip. ROLAND X sadly is recovering from DVT that occurred on a flight to Nigeria . He has told his Black Section friends that he will be making a
come-back in time for next year’s bash.

RUSSELL McKAY, DWP GEC LUNITY member attended the first meeting of the new GEC on Wednesday. He was so enthralled at the level of debate that he spent the entire meeting fast asleep.

While the CENTRE Gestapo and the PCS kapos* were strictly enforcing smoking ban inside the entire complex the general security in the building seems to have completely collapsed. COLONEL HARDING breezed in and out without anyone noticing that his “credentials” consisted of a membership card of the MONSTER RAVING LOONY PARTY.

It’s all been too much for Madame GODRICH. She has resumed smoking joining the multitude forced to skulk outside the front and back doors of the Centre.

BRIAN NAIRN, DWP Scottish regional organiser, has been hounded all week to join Left Unity. He’s one of the only “independents” in the DWP in Scotland and he’s refused all their threats and blandishments. Wednesday was the last straw, when he was refused admission to the SCOTTISH NIGHT unless he filled in the LUNITY form. Though he barged through them he spent the rest of the evening trying to dodge the determined LU recruitment team led by ALAN BROWN. (the one with the interesting private life – see PFL’s passim). Only the day before NAIRN had been asked to help out on the door.

TERRY ADAMS, a former MENDICANT guru late of this union, is retired some years ago to live in France with his second wife. He still doesn’t speak a word of French. So when he went to the local shop to send a condolence card to the funeral of DAWN FREEMAN (a CPSA activist) he picked one headed Felicitations that he assumed was an appropriate message of grief. It apparently means Congratulations in English.

PAT BYRNE is alive and kicking and currently working in Turkey for some mysterious media outfit. The former MENDICANT London DHSS supremo was convicted in the 1980s for shoplifting and fled the shores in disgrace. But he came down to Brighton Wednesday night to meet old comrades he hasn’t seen for years courtesy of the settee in the flat of DOREEN PURVIS, LYNN CASTLE and TERRI MARTIN. However all is well cos when they checked the telly in the morning it was still there.

The DWP Barnsley branch secretary is an “independent” not affiliated to any of the left or right wing factions. By mistake she pinned up the LUNITY election leaflet in the office. A complaint was made by one LEE ROCK, the CARCASE hero and the “Cockney voice of Barnsley ”.

Hats off to GURMIT KANG, the new delegate from Plymouth who told PCS View that the best thing about Conference was the PFL. His second choice, the 4theMembers faction, is clearly a matter of opinion.

But we were all pleased to meet JONATHAN BAUME, the one-time CPSA activist who joined every left faction under sun to climb up the greasy pole before ending up as General Secretary of the highest caste FDA. Bastard.

Also amazing to see the long forgotten STEVEN GEORGE turn up earlier in the week following his return to the fold as President of the National Assembly branch based in Cardiff . Though a trusted former deep cover agent, in recent years George has succumbed to the temptations of promotion and is now riding high as a Grade 7. The only reason he found

himself back in our sights was that he was recruited to fight off the incumbent control freak BEVERLEY BAMBROUGH who was parachuted into the branch when she moved to Wales in pursuit of her now ex paramour, the FCO’s ANDY WILLIAMS. You can only remove the immovable object by becoming the unstoppable force. So things can get bitter. We’ve all been there. Some of us remember OLWEN OSMOND. But even she didn’t go as far as slagging off her Union colleagues and declaring her resignation from the post in the midst of a meeting with the Permanent Secretary. Still, all’s well that ends well. Bambrough also resigned from the Civil Service and, according to Steve, Industrial Relations in the NAW are almost Trade Union hog heaven. They’ve won bigger pay rises than anyone else, effectively got rid of annual reports and enjoy genuine consultation with the old Labour political bosses – whether or not management like the idea. All they fear is the bubble bursting.

One final point about the ISU wankers: an enterprising PCS branch we still haven’t identified put up a spoof web site a couple of years ago which caused immense nashing of ISU leadership teeth. They threatened the PCS with legal action and headquarters immediately leapt to the defence of the members by leaning heavily on the branch to take the site down. Which they duly did. But not before we got a copy of it, which you can find at

Oh, and apparently, the DFES has just employed a consultant to look into the departmental use of consultants. That’ll sort that out then.


 Lewis was reporting a winge from KRISKURK who apparently “can’t wait to get back to Spain to see how my apartment has grown into a villa”. Pedant. Col. Islam wondered aloud “Imagine what RAYWOOD (John Raywood ex Gen Treasurer of CPSA – who knew how to salt it away) has got”. Lewis replied “Penicillin takes care of most of it”.

I’m the only person I know who is un-coherent BEFORE I’ve had a drink – Ian Fraser MOD Scot. West
(BEFORE drinking)

Fuck me, I haven’t felt this bad since I had hair – Martin Leedham DWP Wolverhampton

I ’ve had enough - Stuart Harding on being offered a pint at 3.45 pm on Thursday 9 th June 2005 .

And Farwell Ray Alderson,

Professional Yorkshireman

And legendary toper.

Your Favourite words were


And “cricket”,

but never in

The same sentence.


PCS days are

Nearly “over”


The Fundamentals - Southern Conference Baptists

Oh Didn’t Satan have a glorious day in the conference hall yesterday! We hope you’re proud of yourselves. We hope you burn in hell. What were you thinking of - trying to oppose the government’s belated but welcome attempt at finally trying to put the cork back in the sexual bottle? Do you WANT your daughters molested in their own bedrooms!!

Today, believers, we cannot rectify that damage, but fear not, the wrath of The Lord will ensure everlasting coal for their souls; And we can at least fight to stop the rot and oppose the fevered attempts of the baby killers to reintroduce foetal capital punishment. Oppose Motion A140 and the appeasement motion 141, should we succeed.

Sex in the Bible

Yes, that got your attention didn’t it you depraved perverts. Clearly conference is obsessed with the sordid and sinful but do you know what our Lord has to say about it? Why not try our little biblical quiz on matters sexual? It’s just a bit of fun.

1. Who is holiest to God?

A. God loves all of us, and if we accept Jesus, we are equal in the Lord's eyes.

B. A man who marries once and is always faithful to his wife.

C. A man who avoids sex through willpower.

D. A man who avoids sex through castration.

2. Which of the following acts does God consider disgraceful?

A. Having sex with your dead brother's wife.

B. Refusing to have sex with your dead brother's wife.

C. Having sex with your dead brother's wife but refusing to make her pregnant

3. Which of the following may lead to you and all your descendants being cursed?

A. Parading the streets naked, but sober, for all to see.

B. As above but drunk.

C. Accidentally seeing someone in a state of A or B and telling everyone else about it.

4. Which of the following sex acts is most offensive to God?

A. Homosexual acts with visiting angels.

B. Getting drunk and impregnating your own daughters.

C. Rape of both of your virgin daughters.

5. When, according to the Bible, should a woman have her hands cut off for touching a man's genitals?

A. Under no circumstances. The Bible does not restrict physical contact between heterosexuals in any way.

B. When she is fondling them in an effort to avoid intercourse and possible conception.

C. When she contacts them orally.

D. When she touches them in an effort to protect her husband from an attacker.

Answers to the quiz:


Its bibi time again. Time to rip off the VR helmet and return to the NetherWorld. Drive safely and all that bollocks – as if we care! See you next year in godnosewhere. If you want to continue to study the entrails of this organisation, and to watch your working class heroes’ inaction, then bookmark and visit it at least once a month. More and more of you are catching on that we’re the only ones who really know what’s going on. WHY do you think we’re still here after 27 years???

Last chance to get this year’s T-Shirts – your lasting memento of this inspiring week. Also your last chance to show your appreciation by delicately donating those final fivers and tenners which all go to keeping this show on the road.

Self congratulations to the production team for lasting the course again. We know who we are. Special thanks to our many agents who risked life and loss of good drinking time to supply our field intelligence. They know who they are. Thanks to ARTWORKER for sterling print services. Now you all know who he is. And, finally, thanks to all of YOU for your continued loyalty and support. Godnose who you are. Goodnight.

I shall return, I shall be millions – Eva Peron