gold eagle












by Judas Iscariot - JANUARY 2003

While most of us spent the beginning of January recovering from the excesses of Christmas and the New Year the NEC met as usual, but unusually this time actually got down to the agenda. Topping it was the question of rule changes and consideration of two motions passed overwhelmingly at last year’s Conference calling for the return to annual elections and the restoration of annual conference.

The Moderati majority had no option other than to agree to go to ballot, but predictably they agreed to recommend opposing both proposals to keep their Inland Revenue chums sweet. Most of them weren’t bothered about annual conference one way or the other – it was annual elections they didn’t want and they believed that the best way to stop the latter was to call for a blanket rejection of both reforms. An option was available calling for a start date of 2004 but the Moderati decided to omit this option in the misinformed belief that they would be able to set their own timetable for the operative dates - preferably 2005 - if the motions are carried.

This means -- as LUNITY are gleefully pointing out – that the new rules would have to be implemented immediately after the result is declared in March and new NEC elections would have to be held this year by law. The prospect of ousting the Jockocracy on a wave of anti-BARRY sentiment and a low-turn out is sending shivers down the collective spines of the Moderati.

None of the Moderati NEC members realised their blunder until it was pointed out to them in the pub afterwards by Messrs BOYLE & Co. BLOBBY and DONNY went white when the full horror of what could follow dawned on them.

Some Mods are now saying they’ll push for a review when the NEC meets again but the President and General Secretary have been advised that the rule changes, if agreed, must take place immediately, and doubtless the President will rule as such if challenged. And the Moderati do not have the two-thirds needed to overturn a presidential ruling.

Who’s to blame for the cock-up? Why, none other than STUART CURRIE, the self-styled ‘Leader’ of the National Moderate Group – or at least that’s what the other Mods are saying behind his very large back.

BUNTER does not command much loyalty inside the Moderati – least of all amongst the NEC group he claims to lead. The NEC Mods fall into four broad camps headed by DONNY McINTYRE, PAULINE ABRAMS, JOHN McGOWAN and the BURGER KING himself. Though these camps reflect little more than personal preferences they do mirror general trends within the Moderati family, such as it is these days. DONNY generally reflects the thinking of the full-time Jockocracy with whom he drinks and the DIM LEFT turncoats who scrabbled to take BARRY’s shilling in the 90s. McGOWAN’s circle consists of the few high-castes attracted to their banner. PAULINE is there to bag the women’s and Uncle Tom vote, with the occasional advice of SKIPPY.

In the old days of CPSA BARRY himself manipulated them like marionettes on an NEC in which he sat as a full participating member along with a posse of Moderati senior full-time officials to back him up. Now the GREAT SCOT is gone and the new rules bar the presence of full-timers unless specifically asked to give reports to the NEC. Now the Mods have to rely on pre-meetings if CURRIE can manage it, or as often is the case telephone discussions with the other three biggies, who are then expected to explain the tactics in advance to their own cronies.

In fact BUNTER’s crowd is the smallest – conforming to some Euclidean law of geometric opposites no doubt. He has few friends with the possible exception of PAUL SMITH and ANDREA MARSH, who share his hobby of eating. And his determination to sit on every sub-committee of the NEC has attracted flak and not just from the Assorted Trots. Though he claims this will give him more time in London to beef up the Moderati election machine the only responsibility he has – apart from co-ordinating the group on the NEC in which he has singularly failed – is to run the Moderati presence on the Internet. And that piss-poor website hasn’t been updated since last November. His real motive is to spend more time in London – a city with gourmet delights that far outshine Edinburgh – and make the most use of the flat he leased during the halcyon days when he was VP.

Though the Mods are praying for victory they are also bracing themselves for the rough ride to come. The ballot has become as much a referendum on the RAMSBLADDER scandal as well as a move to return to the democratic practices of the old CPSA. They also suspect that if the vote goes against them it will be rapidly followed by the publication of the results of the inquiry into malpractice during the 2002 elections. Just in time for the run-up for the new elections which must follow such a vote.

Meanwhile, the backroom boys of UNDY’s now almost forgotten PCS ARISTOCRATS are just about ready to unleash their website on an astonished world.

Beware the Ides of March!