July 2008

THE POPULAR FRONT FOR THE LIBERATION OF CPSA
FIGHTING ON IN OUR 45th YEAR BUT A BIT RETIRED NOW

FREEDOM! UNITY! SOCIALISM!
ONE CIVIL SERVICE UNION,
ONE GLORIOUS DESTINY!

REVOLUTION UNTIL VICTORY!

ROUND AND ABOUT
BY JUDAS ISCARIOT - JULY 2008

Bad news at Wimbledon, dismal news at the Oval. Yes, you've guessed.its bucket and spade time as most of us abandon the trenches for a touch of the sun and the bliss of the silly season. Along the DWP lines the ground rocked and the sky was ablaze as the massed ranks of UNISON went over the top in their summer PRENTIS OFFENSIVE. But our guns stayed silent.

Though the "deal" struck by the DWP GEC was small beer indeed - a miserable one-off one per cent non-consolidated "bonus" to prolong the cease-fire - there was no enthusiasm for another big push just before the hols simply to help UNISON, which didn't need us anyway especially when they know there's going to be another surge in the autumn.

This didn't stop the SWP from trying to make some capital out of the discomfort of some of the Grandees at justifying the decision. But the Grandees know that the SOCIALIST WANKERS are just posturing to grab the constituency left by the sinking "INDEPENDENT LEFT" and that none of them are going to risk losing their juicy Group and NEC positions by breaking with LUNITY à la McDONALD and ROCK . And they didn't at the July NEC which concentrated on planning for the attacks on the new Driving tests, immigration, passports and coastguard services fronts.

So while NEC members were wetting their collective whistles in the FALCON pub after the day's business in July they barely noticed the absence of two of their comrades, MARION LLOYD and ROB WILLIAMS. The hapless duo had carried on working on some paper or other and when they eventually came down to the foyer all the FALCONCREST staff had already scampered and they were locked in. In desperation they triggered the alarm system which sent a posse of Wandsworth's finest, armed to the teeth as it happened, racing to the building. Everyone carried on drinking as the alarms can't be heard in the bar. Eventually the police found JANICE GODRICH who informed them that the pair were not cat burglars and PLOD departed. But MARION and WILLIAMS had to spend two extra hours in FALCONCREST waiting for a keyholder to arrive. This turned out to be a guy called LEE who was summoned from his home in NORBITON, some ten miles away. MARION went straight for a drink.well, after spending hours locked up with Mr JANE AITCHISON for company, anybody would!

Incidentally many of the NEC found time to pose for an official professional photo shoot organised by the "Campaigns and Communications" section at FALCONCREST "for use in PCS publications, the website and other literature". The costs have apparently been met out of "existing budgets" and the exercise was doubtless prompted by the complaints about all the ugly mug-shots that appeared in this year's election addresses. However, using said professionally taken (and re-touched) snaps in next years' election addresses could (technically) be seen as placing them at an advantage over other candidates Instamatic images. Since it's the members' money paying for the job, we hope they don't appear with election addresses, as that would be entirely undemocratic. Anyway, the pulchritudinous Glenys always looks the part with her election photo - the timeless, soft focus professional snap. Even if it was captured a dozen years ago.

Talking about booze the Durham Miners Gala on 12 th July once again left publicans smiling. The orgy of drinking that accompanies this traditional North Country festival was complimented by the presence of our usual GEORDIES like KEVIN McHUGH, DOREEN PURVIS and the inimitable STEVE RICHARDSON who were joined by CHRIS MAY , the Midlands SNO, who turned up in his US-style camping mobile home and the PCS rabble from Liverpool who had booked cheap student accommodation at St AIDENS COLLEGE for the weekend. But Spartan college digs were far too humble for the likes of EDDIE SPENCE and STEVE FARLEY who checked in at the THREE TUNS HOTEL a former coaching inn where a bottle of wine is a mere £18. FARLEY and SPENCE spent the Friday night chatting to fellow guest RICKY TOMLINSON, the former jailed "SHREWSBURY TWO" flying picket turned vulgar comedian of ROYLE FAMILY fame.

FRAN HEATHCOTE, the useless DWP Group Organiser predictably missed the last train from Durham and had to spent £65 on a taxi getting home to Hexham. This time the blame was down to her partner IAN WILSON (late of this union) insisting that he help his mate RICHARDSON get up off the cobbled streets of Durham (see PFLs passim for Steve's previous exploits over the past 30 years).

FRAN'S last coup was managing to declare a £470 loss on the DWP Group Social that was held during Brighton Conference on 17 th May. The take at the door came to £930. The cost of the printing, hire of the room and disco only totalled £400, but a grand was squandered on the "comedians" fees. Why this was necessary when we have so many jokers on the GEC is beyond me!

It seems all is not well in Scotland as former MODERATI and 4TM NEC Candidate Robin MCKENDRICK resigned from PCS membership quoting "domination of PCS by political factions."pots and kettles come to mind!

The cabbages are coming: Chris "CRUELLA" HULME, leading light of TROTSKY'S INDEPENDENT TRADERS in London has upped sticks and moved out to SLOUGH. Anticipating this news by some decades, John Betjemen wrote "Come friendly bombs and fall on Slough! It isn't fit for humans now,........... Come, friendly bombs and fall on Slough To get it ready for the plough. The cabbages are coming now; The earth exhales."

EDDIE SPENCE will be leaving PCS in November joining Mick McCANN, Jazza BOYLE and Mickey DUGGAN and the other SNO's who have taken their voluntary early retirement 30 pieces of silver for their lifetimes of treachery. BOYLE is going to retire in Scotland to improve his golf handicap (not being able to see the ball over his beer gut). McCANN hopes to maintain his standard of drinking on his council expenses - a least until the SNP take-over. DUGGAN left on 11 th July but he returns to haunt us on 1 st September as he's won the "nice little earner" General Secretary race for the CIVIL SERVICE PENSIONERS ASSOCIATION (CSPA), whose public face at conference is in the shape of Sir ROY D'LEWIS. So, MICKEY'S finally got a GS For Life job dealing with the hordes of Victor Meldrews discussing why the cost of gas has risen 35%, but pensions haven't and it would never have happened if Enoch Powell was PM he spoke seven languages you know and what with knife crime and closing down post offices all over the place don't you think he was right ooh it's my prostate is that a gents over there my eyesight's not too good these days....

Overheard in Glasgow East

Alan Brown "The average life expectancy of someone round here is 63"

Kevin Greenway "You've only got 5 years to go then!"

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Frustra laborant quotquot se calculationibus fatigant pro inventione quadraturae circuli

Futile is the labour of those who fatigue themselves with calculations to square the circle.

Michael Stifel, 1544

Augustinian monk, turned Lutheran and mathematician, who predicted that the world would end on 19 th October 1533. He made no other predictions after that date.

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BREAKING NEWS HEADLINES

PCS members to strike "As soon as they get home"

With rumours rife that Gordon Brown may have been talking to unions in order to bolster support for his premiership, a new mood of militancy has become apparent among British workers. Dire economic outlooks and a move towards old-style union-backed policies have led many in the firing line to announce they'll be making their discomfort clear to the government 'in no uncertain terms', although a fear of losing their jobs through their own actions means they will now only go on strike 'the minute they get home'.

The highly vocal withdrawals of labour will last from around six o'clock in the evening with noisy protests taking place between workers and partners, grown up offspring and mates down the pub about their grievances 'until this government realises they have to provide fair opportunities and conditions to the working man' and will last at least until about seven or eight o'clock the following morning, at which point a period of reflection will be called for the working day ahead and 'we'll all grudgingly get in our cars and go off to our jobs in a show of solidarity.'

'But make no mistake' said trade union activist Jacob Wild, 'if our demands aren't met we will continue to withdraw our labour each evening the minute our arses hit the sofa and we get our hands on that remote control. And we're prepared to dig in and suffer for the long haul watching Sky until the early hours if necessary, even if it is all repeats.'

However, in an attempt to 'keep channels with the protesters open' the government appears to be in conciliatory mood and is promising to relax duty on packety snacks and curries and giving tax relief on 'hobby' activities in the hope of buying some time to bring public opinion back on track.

But the protests are already running into difficulties. Other activists who, by their own admission, are among the most extreme of the protestors, have had to cancel several Revolutions planned for the coming weekend, following forecasts that there may be a touch of rain rolling in from the South West on Saturday, round about tea.

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Nobel prize for mathematics awarded to 8.4 year old Robert Mugabe

The ultimate accolade was bestowed on the Zimbabwean President yesterday, as he revealed his economic genius. The country's inflation problems have been solved at a stroke by the revaluation of the currency from ten billion dollars to one zimdollar.

The jubilant President confidently expects to be nominated for the Nobel Peace prize for services to humanity, now that he has revalued various other misleading statistics. The recent UN report on the consequences of Mugabe's actions has been adjusted to show that the loss of home or livelihood for more than 700,000 Zimbabweans should in fact be read as 7.

Furthermore, the 2005 raid on "illegal shelters" in Harare, resulted in only 10 urban poor being left homeless, not 10,000. And "only a couple" of white farmers have been forced off their land in the last 10 years.

Mugabe, who has been President for 210 years, has also announced that his recent election victory has been revalued from 85.5% to 855%, thus ensuring that he is entitled to reign for the next 1,000 years.

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KARADZIC STOLE OUR IDENTITIES

says Petar Glumac...