Late June 2007

While most of us are enjoying our well-earned break in the sun the rest of us on the DWP front line can rest content in the blaze of the reflected glory of LEIGH LEWIS who was awarded a Knights Commander of the Order of the Bath in the Queen's birthday honours list in June. We could comment but we think you should reserve yours for his own Wikipedia entry - it's only a stub and it needs all the help it can get.

Back at Falconcrest the Grandees are going through the motions of calling a reps conference to decide whether to ballot for another big push on pay in the autumn around the late August Bank Holiday or the beginning of September. But the Grandees now face opposition from both the all-or-nothing "Independent Left" and the white-flag merchants of 4TM so the outcome is uncertain. Now rumours abound of a pay deal in the offing which will let the Grandees off the hook. The "deal" is said to be still based on regional scales with 5 levels.

Interestingly enough SIR LEIGH has agreed to meet the Union to discuss improving industrial relations in DWP. But he will only talk if there is no threat of industrial action. Surprise, surprise, the talks are on. The reps are going to have another hand wringing jamboree which will basically tell the GEC that there's no stomach for another round of strikes. So national action on pay is effectively dead in the water. Expect about 1.9 per cent and be grateful if you've still got a job!

Oh, I forgot to mention that the protocol applies across the Civil Service about all talks - threaten industrial action and the talks are "suspended", except for the legal "meaningful consultation" about compulsory redundancies. Hmm. Waiting to see what GORDY has to offer is a little bit futile, given that he is the godfather of the cuts. Compulsory redundancies loom while the Grandees (who apparently we voted for on an embarrassingly low turnout) either do nothing, worry, don't give a shit...or go on their hols. No strategic changes there, then.

And spare a thought for good old STUART CURRIE, the guru of the remaining MODERATI who has finally taken himself off the menu and departed for pastures Orange in the form of the Lib Dems Deputy Leader on East Lothian council. An opportune move one might say, (but we won't) given that the Lib Dems have formed a coalition with the SNP to run the Council.

FATBOY SLIM has bagged a some of the more juicier committee appointments such as the Chair of Housing & Community Services; Member of the Joint Consultative Committee - deals with staff conditions etc: Member of the Licensing sub-committee; Member of the Policy Forum, appeals sub-committee; Represent East Lothian Council on Lothian & Borders Fire & Rescue Board: East Lothian Safety Forum and the East Lothian Land Ltd & Brunton Theatre Trust. In addition, he is still a member of Employment Appeals Tribunal. They all attract Higher Duty Payments which will keep him in gin and cigars for the foreseeable future.

Sooner or later BUNTER will have to tell his chief stooge, JOHN WARD, that he's resigned from the service and that will put poor old WARDY into another dilemma. Should he throw in his lot with JAKE WILDE'S 4TM or continue to run the Moderati spoiler list that WILDE and the MAD MONK believe has denied them victory for several years? One of JAKE'S minions has already told WARDY he would automatically go on their NEC slate if he plays ball but that's worth nothing as they've only got one seat at the moment and they're not likely to bag many more, even if they got all the Moderati votes in 2008 unless they can up the ante. But it's a different ball game for the presidency and the veeps. There, a combined "right-wing" vote could topple the Grandees - especially if the "Independent Left" runs its own slate again next year. The IL is scheduled for a re-launch in September - if there's anyone (extremely) left by that time.

On hearing the news of STUART'S timely departure, his local DWP Branch Chair proposed a vote of thanks for CURRIE'S contribution to PCS (in the form of COURT COSTS mainly), unfortunately no one would second the motion, so all the BEC did was "note" his departure, as do we, though our memories are long. So long BUNTER!

Coalitions seem to be the thing to do in Scotland and STEVE CARDOWNIE has gone one better. The former LABOURITE is now leader of the SNP Group despite only defecting last year. He's gone into a coalition with the LIB DEMS too. Council Tax Payers are gearing themselves for the noise of stamps on CARDOWNIE'S passport, at their expense of course.

Still on the subject of "STUART'S", PCS members of the Croydon Labour Party have all received a glossy leaflet from former BL'84 pretty-boy STUART COLLINS asking them to support him in the election to become Labour's candidate in Croydon Central for the next General Election.

It's a cracker. COLLINS was mayor in 2002/03 and appeared in the local papers on a weekly basis to promote, erm, The Damned , Croydon's famous punk rock band. Surprisingly they are not mentioned in the leaflet though it does say: "I love live rock music, cats and Chelsea Football Club!" without mentioning his other attributes as a tennis coach to the laydees, or, more curiously, the actual day job he does. It also says "I am not a career politician". Yes STUART, we can confidently predict that you are correct on that point.

News of the relaunch of CPSA in the South West (the Cornwall Public Services Alliance that is). This was the brainchild of previously unheard of Negotiations Officer DAVID MILLAR and concieved in the living room of HMRC's rising star TRUDY WINTERBOTTOM. MILLAR was helped along by his membership of the old NUCPS SECRET LEFT and Honorary Membership of the JOCKOCRACY. The relaunch of CPSA, which seemed to consist of lots of photos of MENEAR wearing a kilt, initially excited CURRIE hoping it might revive the flagging fortunes of his largely detested MODERATI Group. He was disappointed to discover that his LIB DEM comrade STEVE "BORIS JOHNSON" COMER had been outmanoeuvred by both LABOUR and TORIES on BRISTOL CITY COUNCIL in refusing to endorse his own style of DICTATORSHIP OF THE PROLETARIAT in the form of leading the council. COMATOSE has been left without a position of any importance whatsoever and running to HMRC management in a bid to avoid being given any proper work to do. CURRIE had further setbacks when he learnt that the fortunes of the right-wing in the region depended almost solely upon the incompetence of JEREMY D'LEMOS and GURMIT KANG who both failed to appear for picket line duties on MAY 1st.

Meanwhile the CORNISH position was strengthened by the appearance of PETE COGBILL at the SOUTH WEST REGIONAL COMMITTEE as the new DWP COMMISSAR for the region following the self-imposed exile of Carcasite PAULA WALSH.

Has it ever been known for an annual report to be rejected by conference as this years HO Group one was? President HAMMOND attempted to tell delegates that the Annual report contained all the information on what had happened with last years motions. Not surprising that some branches noticed that it did not do anything of the sort. They also failed to produce an annual finance report for the second year running. Such incompetence from PCS21 reps who have been in charge for the past couple of years is to be expected though! I see trouble ahead for HAMMOND et al this year if he does not manage to get a grip!

Finally it's farewell to TONY ROUSE, the former Moderati VP of CPSA, who passed away in June. He'll be a big miss to all of his friends and colleagues like JOE COX (BFGB), KEV OLIVER and OWEN DODO. Newcastle 's Wetherspoons will never be the same again. RIP to another activist, whether you liked his political stance or not. He was much quoted on the PFL and had a good sense of humour. A big man with a big heart, goodbye, comrade.

ORDNANCE SURVEY PRODUCES FIRST MAP OF "MORAL HIGH GROUND"

Ordnance Survey have today announced that they have managed to produce the first detailed map of the Moral High Ground.

Until now, we thought it was an area of abandoned wasteland on the outskirts of Swindon and, as such, it had just been designated as a public open space', said a spokesman. 'However, close study of new satellite images revealed a group of people occupying a small hill and so decided to examine further.'

The Moral High Ground turned out to be home to a group of vegan cyclists, who do occasionally use trains and a non-profit car-pool scheme, but always plant trees afterwards. They also spent a lot of time on a particularly high horse. 'We examined the ground hoping to find carbon footprints, but there were none.' Hopes of catching out the rather worthy local community by sifting through their rubbish failed when it was all taken to the bottle bank, paper mill or was organically recycled.

However, having occupied an unassailable superior position for many years, it turns out that the local inhabitants have never made any money out of anything and are now completely skint. They have now decided to sell the Moral High Ground to property developers who will use it for a gated community of luxury flats.