gold eagle












by JUDAS ISCARIOT - November 2004

Bleary-eyed troops are returning to the trenches following the big push in November that left Management demoralised and apprehensive at what is still to come. Picket lines were well supported and there was a good turn out for the marches and rallies, though we could have done without the presence of BIFFA BRYANT, who crept down to the Worthing picket despite being told not to by Revenue and Left Unity.

Few believed the usual lies about a “secret deal” or a “new offer” spread by Management stooges and while the fight is certainly going to be long and arduous, someone’s got to crack and that may well be the Government, given that a general election may only be months away.

On the front line, preparations for the Spring Offensive are being made, but in the rear the faction bosses are focusing on other elections -- those much more close to home.

The IR Me First/Anti-Bunterite Coalition finally held its inaugural conference in York on 31 October. About 25 turned-up for the day, at the Black Swan pub in the outskirts of York, including Moderati stars like JOE COX and the CAMPBELL clan and Sir ROY d’LEWIS from the pensioners contingent.

This august body led by LES PRIESTLEY from the IR Me First and MOIRA CAMPBELL of the former Moderati spent much of time agreeing on a name for themselves which we believe is something along the lines of “4theMembers”. No-one troubled to write it down at the time. But which 4 it refers to is believed to be a reference to LEGS and the MODERATI MAIDENS.

The MAD MONK is still on his crutches and was absent, so no leader was chosen. The “steering committee” predictably consists of the combined Me First/Anti-Bunterite bloc on the NEC together with GS-hopeful GRAHAM STEEL, who effectively runs it together with PRIESTLEY’S chief henchman, JAKE WILDE. The wish-list manifesto at least makes no claims as to how they will achieve their aims. We anticipate that their new website (when it's open for business) will explain the detail. We are told that this website will be regularly updated, which will make a first for a factional website.

3 options for subs were debated: £10 a month,£ 5 & £2.50. Predictably, a motion from the floor for NO subs was carried.

STUART CURRIE published a Moderati manifesto, as a spoiler, on the same day. Needless to say it had no impact except to make BUNTER an object of derision once again. The CURRIE manifesto is little more than a plea for better surrender terms from Management though the call for higher severance pay is a little closer to home. FATBOY SLIM’s got a new girl-friend and he’s hoping to get his pay-off soon.

In the TROT camp SOCIALIST CAUCUS is cock-a-hoop at the news that the trumped-up disciplinary charges against CHARLIE McDONALD have been dropped by Management. But though they think it will strengthen their hand in London CHARLIE’S miserable attempts to desert have not gone unnoticed, and he still faces charges of conduct unbecoming following the unseemly fracas with HOWARD FULLER outside FALCONCREST. 

CARCASE star LEE ROCK is currently preoccupied with another split in his own tiny TROT organisation known as the “Commissar Party of Great Britain (Provisional Committee)” that is led by a nonentity called John Gregory Chamberlain (aka ‘Jack Conrad’ and ‘John Bridge’). The splitter, (Manny Neira, formerly of the Socialist Party) is setting up a new movement called the “Red Party” (a trifle obvious, but the Trots are running out of names now) who  claims that the membership of the grandly named “CPGB” is  a magnificent 26. Since two more members have left I make that 24, but they recruited a totally unknown SWP member so that takes them to 25. The “CPGB” rag, the Weedy Wanker, has refused to publish some of the correspondence but you can find it all on the Socialist Unity Network Website (can't be arsed to publish a link). Incidentally, CHRISTINE HULME (PCS London Regional Harpy) has finally joined her husband’s (JOHN BALONEY NEC) merry band - the pretentiously named Alliance for Wankers Liberty (AWL - latterly supported by MAREK). The AWL lost a member (Gerry Byrne) to the Red Party which may have something to do with the fact she is the partner of err… Manny Neira.

In an article in the Weedy Wanker of 7th October aptly entitled  “Control-freakery damps enthusiasm” mention is made of LEE ROCK being “twice voted down” by the “SWP/Socialist Action bloc” over his efforts to chair a session of the European Social Forum. LEE was billed  as London Regional Organiser of the PCSU which fooled no one as “CPGB” members stand out a mile. MARK SERWOTKA charitably stated  that he “would personally welcome Lee as a chair”. Well I suppose someone has to sit on him.

SERWOTKA has been hogging the lime-light recently, basking in the members’ reflected glory at TUC, RESPECT Conference and the European Social Forum but all was not well at the LABOUR PARTY bash. PCS was up there, lobbying and hosting a fringe meeting, and MAREK wanted to play a big part in this, along with the rest of his team, despite the fact that he is not a LABOUR Party member (unlike some of the other senior fulltimers). Labour members pay a £60 fee for the privilege of speaking at Labour Conference fringe meetings. For non-members, like MAREK, the charge goes up to a whopping £600. When SERWOTKA found out that his sortie into LABOUR politics was going to be at an incredible cost to the members, he ordered it to be hushed up…which it has been, until now.

In the backwoods, an NEC member for Dept of Transport (Lisa Roberts) has caused quite a kerfuffle in the South Wales Valleys. It seems that a letter in the South Wales Evening Post by the Branch Executive of Swansea Pension Centre (DWP) warning of job cuts throughout the civil service, was rounded on by DVLA Management a few days later claiming that this was just scaremongering, and that all job losses would be done through natural wastage, blah, blah, blah. A few days later the DVLA Branch Secretary, one LISA ROBERTS, put out a letter identical in wording to that of management but signed on behalf of PCS members in the DVLA. A typical move against the union by one of the many jobsworth  Moderati currently running things in the DVLA.

Eros is working overtime in PCS these days and his arrow has even struck the heart of LEE ROCK. The London RED firebrand moved to Barnsley on 22nd November at his own request. He will be working on Incapacity Benefits and reduced to the rank of private in the PCS. And all because of (youngish) love. Will we soon be hearing the TROT of tiny feet?

And since the last episode it appears that Mr NIGEL 'Narcissistic' VENES has given his wife the boot to shack up with 'Little Miss Moffet'. But for how long? Oh well, at least she got the job!!  We’re glad.  At least he isn't making a fool of her anymore.  He always said he couldn't leave his wife as she suffers from depression.  We reckon she will have a miraculous recovery now!      

And not even CHARLIE “Motormouth” McDONALD can avoid Cupid’s bow. In a Socialist Wanker article (2nd October) on the racist threat in Dagenham entitled “There’s nothing left for us around here” they interviewed CHARLIE who was dragged up there. He is quoted as saying “when I first went to work at Barking Social Security office I had racist views” “The first girl I went out with was mixed race”…”My racism was broken down by that relationship”. So there you have it. Love cures all…except Trotskyism!

And so farewell RALPH GROVES who retired on 29th October but will continue to haunt us as Editor of the journal of the civil service pensioners alliance. He’ll be with all the other old codgers at conference next year in that capacity.

Would-be  Olympic star TERRY COLLINS of the graphics department at FALCONCREST also departed on that day for early retirement and a bumper send-off at HQ two days before. It was strictly invitation only – no TROTS admitted despite the fact that a number from the EC and amongst his superiors had expressed a wish to turn up. When one demanded to know why he was excluded COLLINS (a failed runner like all British track hopefuls for the last fifty years) wittily replied: “Well, if you want it spelt out, it’s because you’re a FUCKING Trot”.

Though TERRY has always had a firm opinion about the TROTS the man he really despised was HUGH LANNING. He has poured beer over him on more than one occasion, he’s thumped him on at least one occasion and publicly threatened to thump HUGO on more than one occasion. When LANNING won the DGS, COLLINS realised that he could not look forward to a particularly rosy career at Falconcrest.

COLLINS is known as “Cockney” to the JOLLYBOYS that consist of Messrs BOYLE, HANSON & Co so, as you can imagine, vast amounts of alcohol was consumed, so little time was wasted in recounting the usual stories of TERRY’S illustrious feats of track and field. COCKNEY himself bewailed the fact that no-one remembered the fact that in the days when he was an international athlete he was accosted in a bar on holiday overseas by a total stranger who said: “’Ere, you’re Terry Collins. Aren’t you?”. When COLLINS said yes the man said “My sister used to go out with you. She says you were a shit shag!”. Such is fame…

GRAHAM BEDCHAMBER also fucked off last October to the happier climes of PROSPECT. Clearly PCS’s gain and Prospect’s loss.

JOAN EASTON, the Personnel Manager at FALCONCREST  also took an early bath on 29th October, though her departure was less than willing. This woman who had screwed so many other careers in the past by sheer incompetence finally got her come-uppance from LEON BAUGH when she persistently refused reasonable management instructions given by the new AGS. When LEON gave her tasks she fatally told him that she did not take orders from him “but only from Mr LANNING”.

Talking about MR LANNING, one of HUGO’S great projects to save money at PCS by getting rid of staff was to decimate the recruitment section – a highly labour intensive area of work. About six months ago the union agreed to introduce a scanning system for processing applications. The system has never worked properly despite the fact that half-a-million quid was budgeted to get it up and running. When last tested a couple of weeks ago the scanner processed 21 application forms in six hours. The average member of staff in personnel does 30 in one hour. Now Falconcrest has been forced to hire a contractor on permanent duty in the membership department trying desperately to get the system to work. It’s believed that his services are costing up to £1,000 a day.

Finally, we noted with glee that the North East regional government referendum was decisively rejected by the worthy our friends in the North, much to the dismay of JOHN PRESCOTT, who had personally intervened to try and push the proposal through. It was no surprise to us after we opened the November edition of View and saw that JAMES UNDY had moved from the Strategic Rail Authority to the Office of the Deputy Prime Minister. The inevitable kiss of death.

Omnia vincit amor

(Love conquers all)

Publius Vergilius Maro ( 70–19 BC)