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BY JUDAS ISCARIOT - November 2006

The chill of the night is spreading down the trenches eased only temporarily by the Guy Fawkes bonfires and that early glow that only a few snifters can provide. Now the decorations are coming out of their boxes as the troops prepare the make the most of the Christmas lull in hostilities to celebrate the birth of Our Lord. But the frosty fingers are spreading to Chateau Falconcrest where the Grandees contemplate yet another year of war.

No-one expects the DWP truce to last but the Management offensive in DTI clearly took the Grandees by surprise. Eleven members were informed of their compulsory redundancy by email last week provoking frantic discussion on the Group executive and at a national level on how to respond. The Grandees - not exactly falling over themselves to open up a new front before Christmas - are hoping it can all be resolved through agreed transfers to other departments. But others fear that this is just the thin end of the wedge and that more will follow in DWP next year.

Not surprisingly, the DTI GEC is eager to fill two vacancies including that of personal case officer. Not exactly juicy - it's hard work and it only attracts 50 per cent facility time - but certainly a worthy task for a committed and experienced trade unionist. Sadly none of the comrades on the GEC are queuing up for it and we hear that an unelected DTI member, JOHN WARD, has been encouraged to apply for the post, Ironically, WARD is a right-winger who was on the NEC for a few years and stood against the DTI Lunity coalition on the Moderati slate at last years group elections! A sad state of affairs when supporters of our beloved General Secretary can't even organise themselves to battle on behalf of our members and have to resort to asking an enemy who they have consistently attacked over the last few years to bale them out, We understand that WARD is going to refuse to apply on principle.

All's not well in DWP either. EMMA GREEN has resigned as Group Treasurer for domestic reasons leaving the accounts in a mess. Though EMMA was clearly not up to it and was only chosen because she was a Grandee loyalist the problems were not entirely of her own doing as HQ has recently changed the account codes and other procedures. But it does leave the Grandees in another predicament - will they call up 4TM runner-up PETER GALLIGAN or go for a time-consuming and costly election?

While all this is going on the Grandees have another issue to resolve - the final solution to the Socialist Caucus problem. Last month that looked as if it was going to be easy. After all, hadn't the CARCASE voted to pull out of the BIG TENT to campaign independently? Hadn't this been moved by LEE ROCK and announced on the CARCASE website? The answer to both questions is, of course, yes. But only six CARCASITES (all nonentities) have resigned from Left Unity to date and none of them bear the name LEE ROCK. The Cockney voice of Sheffield in fact crept into the Sheffield LUNITY AGM, though he did, at least, have the modesty to sit at back in silence.

In fact ROCK and his drinking chum CHARLIE McDONALD are secretly trying to build the new "independent left" faction in their drink-sodden imaginations will soon be capable of challenging the Grandee machine. The problem is that McDONALD'S own group, the ALLIANCE for WANKERS LIBERTY, is opposed to the split along with many other CARCASITES, including the vast majority of their members who did not turn up to the poorly attended AGM. CHARLIE hoped that he could argue that while he was opposed to the split it was now democratically chosen CARCASE policy and it must be carried out. No one is sure what ROCK thinks as he has said nothing in his own WEEDY WANKER rag one way or the other. Those who hoped the Grandees would come a-crawling to beg the CARCASE to return to the fold will have been shocked at the draft slate the Grandees have prepared for the LUNITY AGM in December. A quick glance at the list below shows that it consists entirely of LUNITY and Commissar luminaries with six vacant places reserved for their PCS Democrat allies.



Janice Godrich


Dave Bean

Sue Bond

Kevin Kelly


Mark Baker

Alan Brown

Christine Chorlton

Martin Clements

Tony Conway

Alan Dennis

Joy Dunn

Cheryl Gedling

Zita Holbourne

Steve Ion

Martin John

Marion Lloyd

Dominic McFadden

Kevin McHugh

John McInally

Chris Morrison

Andy Reid

Hector Wesley

Rob Williams

Danny Williamson

Sevi Yesildalli

Ragesh Khakria

Derrick Gartshore

Kevin Greenway




Janice Godrich


Marion Lloyd


Gordon Rowntree

Asst Sec:

Organiser (1):

Fran Heathcote

Melanie Jenner


Equality Officer:

Emily Kelly

Committee (5):

Alan Brown

Tony Conway

Fran Heathcote

Melanie Jenner

John McInally

Alan Runswick

Rob Williams

Ed Board

Emily Kelly

Jude Jackson

Kevin McHugh

Dayna Bent

TUC (14)

Sam Hall

Fran Heathcote

Ragesh Khakria

Katrine Williams

Sarah Mayo

Jane Aitchison

Gordon Rowntree

Evelyn Baillie

Dayna Bent

Emily Kelly

Austin Harney

Mark Benjamin

Melanie Jenner

Roger Thomas

Women's TUC (8)

Sarah Mayo

Karen McCormick

Jo Wilmott

Chris Cuthbert

Katrine Williams

Katie McGrahan

 Youth TUC:

Sarah Mayo

Dayna Bent


Though not written in stone the message to BACON and the others opposed to CHARLIE and his Orchestra is that the ball's entirely in their own court. If they do nothing they're gonna get nothing in December.

But the Grandee attempt to break the back of the CARCASE in London is faltering amid the chaos caused by the clearly ill-prepared and unplanned decision to split the London Lunity region into six separate committees. The LUNITY National Committee, which ordered the restructuring, is under fire from the supporters they are trying to woo away from the CARCASE grasp and the problem is that they simply haven't got the numbers on the ground to do the donkey work and ROB BRYSON and DAVE SPAGNOL simply can't do it all for them.

"Central" London 's LUNITY AGM in October was a shambles which TANSY FELTIS blamed on the botched restructuring effort by the Grandees. Early arrivals to the meeting were greeted by a rabid KEVIN EVANS who was in a rage about what he deemed the NEC's lack of response to the DEFRA redundancies. When the meeting finally got underway just 12 of the claimed 300- plus London Left Unity members had bothered to turn up. Clearly the vast majority had better things to do on a grim Thursday night.

The venue of choice was the Quakers' Friends Meeting House where no alcohol was available. This was quite deliberate. LLU Chair and SWP head-case RACHEL EDWARDS had been ticked off by the Grandees after complaints were received that the meetings were always held in pubs and that the "debates" that followed rapidly degenerated into drink-fuelled rants..

Missing were all the CARCASE heavyweights though some minor players were present, such as KAREN JOHNSON, clearly with instructions to report back to BALONEY & Co. When ROB BRYSON questioned why the CARCASE were there at all he was struck down by FELTIS who told him 'that's enough'.

If TANSY was hoping for a meeting free from sectarian posturing she was to be disappointed. SOCIALIST WONKER KEITH CRANE wanted clarification of the status of the meeting and was told by FELTIS that nobody knew what the new boundaries were and she wasn't sure if the meeting was for the whole of London or just Central. HECTOR WESLEY questioned whether he should leave as he wasn't sure whether he works in Central London or somewhere else.

Things quickly moved on to the DWP Offer. Boring waffler ANDY REID denounced the DWP GRANDEES for recommending the offer to members. ROB BRYSON sought to defend the recommendation but was rounded on by his old SWP comrades and the CARCASE who all hate him now that he has defected. When ROB asked Passport Office SWP dimwit JOEL HIRSCH if he knew what concessions management had actually made, JOEL said he didn't but that it was a sell-out anyway!

The "North East London" LU meeting took place on 31 st October in the teetotal St Margaret's church hall, in Barking. Only two people attended - DAVE SPAGNOL, who organised the meeting and EMMET GIRVAN-O'BRIEN on behalf of the LU National Committee.

CHARLIE McDONALD had planned to hijack the meeting and he could have easily done so if only he had troubled to arrive on time. CHARLIE and his rabble -- SHARON LESLIE, ED CARMEL, NIGEL PRENDERGAST and MIKE LOATES were half an hour late - just in time to catch EMMET at Barking Station on his way home. CHARLIE had evidently already been drinking and he abusively told EMMET to ring SPAGGERS immediately. Alas, DAVE was also on his way home and as the caretaker had already locked up and also gone home there was no way the meeting could be reconvened. When he enquired of O'BRIEN what he should do with his nominations and motions, EMMET told him to go to the Central London meeting. Unfortunately that coincided with the North East London meeting. If Charlie remains in LUNITY, and that is a very big if, he'd better invest in a hip flask rather than stay in the pub.

You would have imagined that LES PRIESTLEY'S 4TM crowd would be rubbing their hands with glee at LUNITY'S misfortunes. Far from it as they've got troubles of their own and it all boils down to their difficulty in trying to get new dupes to join the MAD MONK'S faction outside his old Revenue network. Though the merger with MOIRA CAMPBELL'S wing of the old Moderati has proceeded smoothly that, in fact, is the only success LES and JAKE WILDE can chalk up for the past two years. STUART CURRIE is definitely going to run a Moderati spoiler list again next year, which if nothing else, means 4TM will be lucky to keep what little its got on the NEC. No-one wants to be the presidential candidate - WILLIE SAMUELS, FULLER and DAMIAN CARR have all turned it down so it looks like JAKE WILDE again - and he's sick of being the perennial loser - and their chances of wooing COMER'S "Democrats" back into the fold are less than zero.

Still it will soon be the festive season so here's a riddle for your Christmas cracker.

Question: How do you ensure that you get the right message across to members in a pay campaign?

Answer: By having a consistent message in all communications i.e. - "Say No To Management"

Next Question: How do you get members to reject a pay offer in a ballot bearing in mind the above?

Well the answer might be: "Vote No to reject this pay offer" but perhaps that made to much sense to DoH Group who clearly felt "Do you support the Group Executive Committee recommendation to reject the 2006 Pay Offer?" was much snappier. It's a pity they didn't bother to proof read the ballot paper either. " Procuded and printed by The Public and Commercial Services Union 160 Falcon Road London SW11 2LN " is the third ballot blunder for the DoH Group or perhaps that should simply be Doh!

Sed quis custodiet ipsos custodes?

Who watches the watchmen?

Decimus Iunius Iuvenalis