THE POPULAR FRONT FOR THE LIBERATION OF CPSA
FIGHTING ON IN OUR 45th YEAR BUT A BIT RETIRED NOW
FREEDOM! UNITY! SOCIALISM!
ONE CIVIL SERVICE UNION,
ONE GLORIOUS DESTINY!
REVOLUTION UNTIL VICTORY!
REDDER STRIPE (1981)
SMUT SHEETS - THE WAY FORWARD
The Popular Front for the Liberation of CPSA attribute the tediousness of their daily bulletins this year to the sad loss of three of their most gifted writers to the notorious splinter group "Black Guard".
P.F.L. leaders, failed "Before" and "After" advert models Andre (Andy) Bruchs (Brooks) and Stee (Steve) Poo See (Pewsey), must be regretting the hasty way they expelled Smut Specialists Chon Ah Dams, Khe Tee Brin and Dhe Vee Mak Laimon from PFL ranks.
Chon, Khe and Dhe now edit the scurrilous "Backstabbers' Gazette", which is so contemptible that even the "Telegraph" will not touch it. Frail Khe Tee Brin, 26¼, who freelances for Redder Stripe, commented last night "Black Guard is the only way forward, with a truly revolutionary line in scandal - unlike the bankrupt PFL, whose adherence to Islam denies the truly internationalist nature of muckraking and mudslinging."
Redder Stripe hates both groups as they never write anything about us.....
CRUISE MICE SCANDAL - DOCUMENTS SEIZED
Fury erupted over the revelation, by a speaker on the CND debate, that MOD scientists have perfected a lethal "first-nibble" weapon - the Cruise Mouse. MOD delegates marched from the hall in angry protest and surged into the Brighton Centre foyer, where an incensed MOD spokesperson cried "CND will take away our members' jobs..That we can bear because we won't ever have the nerve to fight it......
But CND will also destroy the lives of thousands of tiny, furry nuclear-powered rodents..... some of which are as yet UNBORN! After agreeing to write a stern letter to `the Ruling Catholic Action Group the MOD sang a victorious round of "Rule, Britannia" and returned to their seats.
Meanwhile Redder Stripe activists picketed the local police station where the hapless revealer of the Cruise Mice project was being held under Section 998 of the Official Secrets Act.
Deals Not Straightforwardness?
Glasgow Style.... Startling news reaches, us of a pact reached between bluff, rosy-faced Scot "Mack" Lenin and various unscrupulous elements on the left of CPSA. "Mack" has apparently pledged to forfeit his impressive stakes as a candidate in future elections if, in return, he is given sole rights as mover of motions that are a) winnable and b) consistent with his strange position viz, revolutionary politics.
Redder Stripe offer 300 ring-pull can tops for further information on this sordid affair..
PUBLIC MEETING - MAGNIFICENT SUCCESS - £ THOUSANDS £ COLLECTED! Redder Stripe organisers were thrilled by the response to their public meeting last night. An estimated 1,320 delegates filled the hall to hear Carolai Con-A-Wai make an earnest plea on behalf of the Presidential Limousine Fighting Fund, following the guillotining of Motion 883. "Comrades" urged Con-A-Wai, "Empty your pockets for this cause!" Our slogan is "Style not Slumming, Cars not Cabs". A magnificent £45,600 was collected and presented to a grinning President by dynamic rank-and-filer Pete Slowperson, who has learned to his regret the problems caused by attempting to have regular access to a vehicle.
OBITUARY - TWENTY TOP COMPANIES BREATHE SIGH OF RELIEF...
Crushed electoral candidate "Cave-in" Rodde, was heard on one of his nights off from advertising that loathsome concoction of alcohol-free saccharined water, "Barby-Can" (the bane of Redder Stripe) to say:- "Yew in Radour Stripe ar just roman-tics and idealists, yewer as bad as Redear Teeap!" Mr Daggle-arse Beadley replied with true Redder Stripe fervour. "Stick your head up a dead bears bum!" Rodde, knowing full well that he had in fact done this several years ago when he joined the Lee-Bar Party, was unable to stand firm. His last daylight appearance was outside that notorious Redder Stripe cadre-bunker, DHSS Long-sight, begging Die-"I'm so hard I eat nails for Breakfast"-An Rid Oo, to scab upon his branch's strike action.
Following the customary rebuff (a fusillade of Molotov Beercans, Rodde turned tail into the sunset, pathetically singing "Vooat on tha Tiyn's all mein, all mein..." Comrades, we mourned the bravery of Captain Oates. let us lift up our hearts and sing for this new martyr...
"SECTION CHAIRMAN IN TEARS" SHOCK HORROR....
Frankly Boring, 78, ageing playboy and Equity member of the DTI Section, blamed his electoral disaster (considered by the vast majority to be16,942 votes more than he deserved) on a majority of the Muddy Rats intent on purging Lee-Bar Partee members from-their ranks.
Frankly, a Lee-Bar Partee Councillor some aeons ago, said of the purge at his Surbiton Holiday Home "It is all a case of mind over matter They don't mind and I don't matter..." Redder Stripe is shocked by such cynicism.
REDDER STRIPE - WHERE WE STAND - ALL OUT THINGY TO WIN
For rank-and-file control of all off-licences, both within the Brighton Area and also 'World-Wide...
Drinkers' control NOW! No import controls on Red Stripe, Pilsner, Fosters or even Newcastle Brown (just to show we're not sectarian).
Free use of clichés on demand --a bulletin writers right to choose: vote for/against almost everything...
An end to the Whitbread System - Free-House collective Gathering for all Branches regardless of size.
For closer liaison with other public sector drinkers - an end to not being invited to their parties.
VOTE RIGGING CLAIM - A CONFERENCE WEEPS WITH DISMAY!
Claims that there is absolutely no truth in the rumour that a certain member of the discredited Barby-Can tendency wishes to form an "electoral" mobile para-military unity offensive, Carolai Con-A-Wai (10,153 votes) flooded in tonight.
Countering the rumours, a spokesperson from Redder Stripe commented that their new Strike Force into the Left consisted of Androgynous Boot-Person KheTee Brin and new fresh-faced entrant to the ranks, a certain Mlle. Nee-Nah Fell-Ipps.
These weapons are an unknown quantity and Redder Stripe claimed that Barby-Can are now quaking in their assorted footwear. "Who's next?" we may well ask...