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BY JUDAS ISCARIOT September 2006

The Champers flowed throughout Falconcrest this week as the Grandees rejoiced at the news that the SOCIALIST CAUCUS was finally quitting Left Unity. At the CARCASE AGM last Saturday week, with JACKIE DUTTON and MR BEAN missing, they voted by a margin of just two votes to leave LUNITY. The motion to leave LU was moved by LEE ROCK and carried by 15 votes to 13. A second motion moved by STEVE LLOYD and to stay in LU fell. The schizoid CHARLIE McDONALD, whose personal view was to split from LU, dutifully voted to stay in. The Alliance for Wankers' Liberty of which McDONALD is allegedly a member, a major mover in CARCASE circles, had opposed the move and CHRIS HULME also followed the line. NICK GROVELMANTIS (not AWL) opposed the split but will tag along with the "democratic" vote. JANE RODGER voted ito split.

Curiously enough the splitters are also considering rebranding themselves because they claim the Caucus name is now "tarnished". Quite what they mean (and by whom) is unclear though certainly one of the hidden aims is to drop the word "socialist" from their new platform.

The Cockney Voice of Sheffield said that Grandee support for the London Left Alliance (LLA) and the break up of the London LUNITY machine was the last straw. But going it alone has long been top of McDONALD'S agenda. He backed (but didn't vote for) a similar unsuccessful motion last year and he's done little to disguise his contempt for the Grandees and their seedy Secret Left and PCS Democrat allies inside the Big Tent. The feeling has, of course, been mutual. Charlie could also now be expelled from the AWL for his act of treachery of thought - although they've always taken who they can get. His minions are already starting to deny he broke the party line, but why would anyone believe in leaving LU but vote against it? The phrase Fifth Columnist comes to mind.

Though the Carcase undoubtedly played a part in the campaign that swept the Moderates out of office there was little love lost between the Grandees and CHARLIE and his orchestra (Google for "Charlie and his orchestra") . The CARCASE grip on London DWP gave them a base to attack the LUNITY leadership and, in the opinion of the Grandees, undermine the negotiating position of the DWP GEC in the longstanding campaign to stop job cuts. Two years ago the Grandees decided to cut the CARCASE down to size.

First of all the CARCASE share of the NEC slate was limited by very dubious means at the Lunity AGM, though the Carcasites only had themselves to blame for not mobilising enough of their own followers to make the long march up North to vote for their candidates. That, in turn, only provoked ROCK & Co into more wild attacks, often on MARK SERWOTKA himself, whom the CARCASE leadership now dismiss as a sell-out merchant. There clearly was going to be a night of the long knives at the forthcoming LUNITY jamboree. CHARLIE & Co jumped the gun and saved them the trouble.

The great brains at Grandee HQ are JANICE, DANNY, LEON BAUGH and THE AITCHISONS who are now pondering their next moves. The first will be to try and build a base within London DWP and within the six new Left Unity committees that have replaced the old London Region. All they've got at the moment is DAVE SPAGNOL, the ill-informed ROB BRYSON and an amount of goodwill generated through the London Left Alliance campaign so it's going to be an uphill struggle. The second will be to try and split the CARCASE given that the vote was almost evenly divided. Expect a fulsome denunciation of Carcase by the Grandees very soon.

The Grandees' best bet is to continue to support the small number of Carcasites like ROD BACON and JACKIE DUTTON who were endorsed by the LLA in the London Regional election to try and isolate the rest and hope that CHARLIE'S ravings will do the rest of the job for them. DUTTON, a maverick Stalinist, is gutted by the decision to split, particularly as the embryonic splinter group has decided to snub any nominations from LU, so even if the Grandees want to support the couple of useful Carcasites, they won't accept the nominations. Cutting off nose to spite face, indeed.

For their part ROCK and McDONALD are making overtures to the SOCIALIST WANKERS but they'll get no takers apart from the possible exception of TANSY FELTIS. The SWP has its own agenda which nowadays is to use what little they have in PCS as a platform to build support for George Galloway's Respect Party. Insofar as McDONALD and ROCK have any strategy at all, beyond establishing a faction completely under their control, it is to build a "left opposition" within the union to fulfil their revolutionary fantasies while drawing away enough LUNITY votes to force the Grandees to come crawling back to them. Pure fantasy, and they're already admitting that they'll poll a poor 4th behind the MODERATI at the next elections.

Although it's now history it's worth looking at the infighting within the caucus about CHRIS FRAUD. It seems that they split almost evenly over condemning his action to get his members to strike to save his job and then taking a big payoff. ROCK tried a compromise saying that they should disagree with his action but wish him well. This was rejected and the condemnation was just carried. The falling out over this lasted two years.

Interesting as that historical argument is it does illustrate, especially now, how divided they really are. In fact it also reveals how small and weak they are. Planning this kind of split needs at least two thirds or more of the organisation up for it. The closeness of the vote shows Rocks ineptitude. None who read the Weedy Wanker should be surprised though. Rock has no idea about political reality at all.

Meanwhile the Sheridan affair is reverberating down the Grandee ranks. JANICE and ALAN BROWN have both thrown their weight behind Sheridan 's new "Solidarity" Party, and one can safely assume they speak for the entire former Scottish Socialist Party (SSP) bloc within LUNITY. But the split in the SSP has gravely weakened both camps and Scottish pundits are predicting that both wings will lose all their Scottish parliamentary seats in the Scottish elections next spring. While this has no direct bearing on PCS affairs it would mean that the Grandees, or at least those Scottish former Mendicants, will increasing become just a union faction, rather than a faction representing a political party, in the future.

All of this is being closely watched by JAKE WILDE and his 4TM crowd who are preparing for their own bun-fight in Newcastle at the end of October. Whether they will be able to exploit the divisions amongst the left remains to be seen but clearly JAKE doesn't think so. He is not standing for any position next year so that he can concentrate on raising the profile of his bloc and try and reach out beyond the narrow confines of the old Revenue Group. WILDE desperately needs more hands at the tiller to give his bloc a national projection but his closest aides doubt whether 4TM can seriously challenge the Big Tent until 2010.

Their slate will be ready by the end of November and while it will undoubtedly be the usual faces it will not contain the name of STUART CURRIE, the self-styled "leader" of the National Moderate Group,

What's left of the Moderati consists of BUNTER and a few of his Scottish mates and their only effort has been to run a spoiler list for the elections in the hope of striking a deal with JAKE and the MAD MONK to ride on the 4TM slate. BUNTER'S exorbitant demands were dismissed out of hand last year but FAT BOY SLIM is still trying. His latest is to offer Moderati support for the 4TM presidential candidate in return for their backing for his own VP bid and an "arrangement" over the NEC. But he's go not takers in the JAKE camp. MOIRA CAMPBELL and the others who jumped the gun and joined 4TM last year all loath BUNTER and PRIESTLEY has no time for him either.

Though still worth several thousand votes the Moderati share of the poll has been declining over the past two years. STUART certainly bagged 6,695 votes in the last presidential race but even if you added this to JAKE'S 11,987 it's still 1,500 short of what JANICE pulled. A "united right" slate might lead to a bigger 4TM presence on the NEC, now down to one, but none of the 4TM biggies want to take on the baggage of the Moderati and the discredited mantle of BARRY REAMSBOTTOM. Not only would it enable LUNITY to replay the RAMSBLADDER bogeyman card it would almost certain kill stone-dead any hopes of winning over their old Me First mates currently allied to LUNITY under the PCS Democrats label.

In reality the Mods are just another projection of BUNTER'S ego. Their only public face is a web-site that hasn't been updated since the summer of 2005. But MR BLOBBY works like a Trojan on his own personal domain - "Stuart Currie - Campaigning for Preston, Seton, Gosford" - which is simply Liberal Democrat propaganda designed to advance BUNTER'S new political ambitions in Scotland.

Amoto quaeramus seria ludo

Joking aside, let us turn to serious matters