THE POPULAR FRONT FOR THE LIBERATION OF CPSA
FIGHTING ON IN OUR 45th YEAR BUT A BIT RETIRED NOW
FREEDOM! UNITY! SOCIALISM!
ONE CIVIL SERVICE UNION,
ONE GLORIOUS DESTINY!
REVOLUTION UNTIL VICTORY!
ROUND AND ABOUT - Pre-Conference
by JUDAS ISCARIOT and BARRABAS - Early June 2004
So we’ll all be trotting off to Brighton next week and while there’s no guarantee of sun and there’s certainly no sand there’s going to be a considerable amount of drinking as the Left celebrate another sweeping victory in the polls.
LUNITY and the UNDERLINGS bagged 26 of the 34 NEC seats all told leaving just four apiece for the MAD MONK’S IR Me Firsters and what’s left of the Moderati. LOATHSOME LANNING and LEON BAUGH beat STEEL & NOBODY in the SFTO elections dashing the hopes in the PRIESTLEY camp of a massive backlash against HUGO which at the death amounted to little more than 800 votes. LUNITY retains it’s hold on the Executive and MAREK will be pleased that they got the vote of confidence they campaigned for.HUGO’S on the board and five of the Underlings are on the NEC though this does include two high-caste former SECRET LEFTERS. JAMES WILSON-UNDY also got what he wanted and though his DEMOCRAT gains are entirely due to the grace and favour of the LUNITY machine, the UNDERLINGS have played a modest part in their victory.Though the UNDYMEN grossly exaggerate the strength of their high-caste constituency it’s clearly worth two to three thousand votes that in other circumstances could have gone to the Moderati and the STEEL & NEWLYN camp. A few seats on the NEC is a price well worth paying as far as BAUGH is concerned. After all, that’s what he’s done with the CARCASE, who also have five. All the former Mendicants in LEON’S camp need is an overall majority on the NEC group to ensure dominance in the extremely unlikely event of the CARCASE and the UNDERLINGS ganging up against them.In the Moderati camp the blame game has already begun. Some talk about a low turn-out – a topic they never referred to in BARRY’S day. In fact the number of votes cast was higher than last year. We’ve gained thousands of new members over the past 12 months and the negligible drop of 0.5 per cent is almost certainly due to the fact that large numbers of new members did not bother to vote.Others say it was because they couldn’t bombard every member with unsolicited campaign emails as they did to considerable effect in the past. But the real reason that they’re down to their core 10,000+ votes is that the Moddies are totally bereft of any policies apart from RED-BAITING hysteria and putting up the white flag whenever Management attacks.The whipping boy will undoubtedly be STUART CURRIE, the self-proclaimed leader of the NATIONAL MODERATE GROUP. FAT BOY SLIM knows that the four Moderati Maidens on the NEC are only there because LUNITY double-banked the candidates for the senior elective lay posts. STUART also knows that in his absence they revolve around PRIESTLEY, an IR high-caste who has little time for him. STUART has not only failed to get on the NEC but there are now doubts on whether he will even be at Conference this year. STUART is not flavour of the month even in his own branch and he was not chosen as one of their delegates at the AGM. But his hopes were raised again following the elevation of GARY FAGAN, who also has little time for BUNTER, to the lofty heights of the GEC. This left a vacancy for a fourth delegate to Group conference. Unfortunately, at the Edinburgh DWP BEC meeting on 6th May, CURRIE was defeated by 8 votes to 6 by PHIL HARRIS. That means that STUART’S only achievement in the past year has been to lose six stone on the FATKINS diet.Conference Amnesia has begun unusually early this year: Lefty CSA GEC leading light DAVE RICHARDS in his capacity as Branch Sec of SIR WOY’s old DWP Branch, forgot to put in the Branch motions following the AGM. Never mind, most of the motions were TROT model motions anyway, and picked up by other Branches. Latterly the Branch’s Conference delegates have been eagerly anticipating the arrival of credentials, but more importantly WONGA. Branch Chair “Judge Dredd” HOWARD FULLER last week discovered that FALCONCREST was blissfully unaware of any application for credentials from the Branch, including PLATFORM credentials for er…DAVE RICHARDS.Talking of Sir Woy d’Lewis (retd, with bar) we are reliably informed that he will be at Conference this year. Mr & Mrs Hilter’s Guest Hof had a vacancy. Please do not shout into the old gentleman's ear-trumpet.For those who had forgotten the delights of Brighton, click here
Quid rides? Mutato nomine de te fabula narratur!
What are you laughing at? Just change the name and the joke’s on you!
Quintus Horatius Flaccus
65 – 8 BC