Brighton 2002 Wednesday

ROUND AND ABOUT
By Judas Iscariot

SCENES OF JOY AND RAPTURE unparalleled in Civil Service history were seen at the Brighton Hotel last night when BARRY REAMSBOTTOM (left) declared that he was going to stay on for another two years. The triumphal ball, called to celebrate the Moderati's victory over the TROTS and ME FIRST, turned into a rhapsody of delight with grown men and women crying with joy when BARRY said he would stay on - if it was legally possible. Legal advice taken by the GREAT SCOT suggests that it is.

COLONEL ISLAM and senior officers of the PFLCPSA were there together with the JOCKOCRACY, the rest of the Moderati and some Irish civil service trade unionist who is a mate of BARRY'S. MAID MARION was holding court in a corner with LEWIS, PEMBERTON and KEITH WHO? and a number of fat men and women who had come along for the free bar. The PFL team abandoned the festivities as the singing turned to the Horst Wessel song.

For months RAMSBLADDER had maintained that he was going to retire and this week he modestly stayed away from Conference for most of its sessions in deference to General Secretary-elect SERWOTKA. But even the GREAT SCOT could not remain immune to the pleas of his supporters - or the fact that ME FIRST was on its knees and utterly broken.

This was made clear to the odious UNDY MBE when he was confronted with evidence of his dirty work by BARRY himself at the emergency NEC on Monday. NOSFERUNDY shrugged off charges that he had tried to mobilise anti-Barry emergency motions with an e-mail appeal in the run-up to Conference bleating that “this was a free country”.

But few listen to LORD FLICK now. “You've destroyed everything” was how a bitter PRIESTLEY told UNDY to his face in a particularly acrimonious and public row between the would-be president and the has-been Me First supremo.

Though moves for a national inquest into the latest Moderati mailing-list scam are well underway one man is clearly above suspicion. Andrew White QC, who conducted the investigation last time (see www.pflcpsa.com/white.html) said “In particular I feel it appropriate to record that although suspicion naturally fell upon Gordon Paterson, Manager of the PCS IT Department, he struck me as an open and reliable witness who gave his evidence to me in a helpful and undefensive fashion - indeed he was a much less guarded witness than many of his more overtly political colleagues. He seemed to me to be genuinely concerned about the possibility that someone had surreptitiously gained access to the membership data.” Almost as fragrant as Mary Archer, then…

But not all was sweetness and light. While DONNY, HANSON and DAVE ALLEN were drinking as only they can, glum faces were found skulking in the shadows. Top Trots KEVIN McHUGH and DOREEN PURVIS, who had booked into the BRIGHTON HOTEL by mistake, had to suffer hour upon hour of Moderati exultation. KEVIN was particular grumpy as he had just lost a packet at BRIGHTON DOGTRACK. DOREEN was reduced to reminding us that it was her casting vote on the selection panel that got SKIPPY her first job at Falconcrest in the latter years of the 20th century. “It was a choice between a drunken STALINIST and a useless woman” was how she justified her sectarian Trotskyite decision to appoint a total incompetent over a “Stalinist” - believed to be a reference to TOM McVIE, late of the Yorkshire Soviet. Now she bitterly regrets it.

It has to be said that no one apart from senior officers of the PFL cares or even remembers who McHugh and Purvis are. Speaking of has beens, Serwotka-confidante and Friend of the Ukraine CHRIS FRAUD, cannot be with us in Brighton because he is meeting his WHITEGUARD chums in Kiev this week.

SMIRK FILLED ROOMS
By Amphibalus

Sir WOY D'LEWIS, the smelly old git on Standing Orders, has been poncing around the Brighton Centre showing everyone his newly awarded Honorary Life Membership Badge. This seemingly worthless trinket, given to old time-servers in recognition of a lifetime of treachery and backstabbing does have some value. It saves Pensioner Roy £2.00 a month in subs. LEWIS, in fact, retired from the Service in February, and he is only down here by chance, filling a vacancy on Standing Orders. Curiously enough he was not the runner-up in the last NSOC elections. He actually came bottom of the poll, by a considerable margin. Which reminds me that The RED led SOC is expected to heed the legal advice they have received vis-à-vis the Anti-Barry motions and quietly allow them to disappear as if they had never existed, a sensible move which will save them lots of money.

The ceremony took place over the weekend at the DWP Group Conference. LEWIS, a Christian, was given five minutes to waffle on about himself. When he finished a handful of cronies on the top table rose to give the old boy a standing ovation. Eleven of the audience got up. Alas, ROY is going to return to haunt us in the guise of the CIVIL SERVICE PENSIONERS ASSOCIATION along with the delectable CHRIS KIRK who has been running the souvenir stall downstairs. Because the last two days have been a bit of a strain on the old girl, Ex CPSA GS JOHN ELLIS is coming to town today to relieve her.

The courageous agent who spoke against the first Palestinian motion (A101), one ANN ROBINSON (IR: PORTON DOWN & VECTIS) obviously misunderstood our guidance, which was to oppose the motions and move quickly on to EM3. At least she followed our instructions, albeit a little too vigorously. CHRIS HICKEY on the other hand, has no such excuse. He opposed EM3 on the grounds of some pettifogging factional quibble. No surprise then that he locked horns with FILL PARDOE who moved the motion and accused HICK of "sectarianism". Hypocrite.

As a dozen or so delegates may have noticed at the time, MERRICK HART (ENGLISH HERITAGE and a Moderati NEC member of little account) missed his cue to speak on one of yesterday's constitutional amendments and HUGE PLANNING had to leap nimbly to the rescue. Apparently his excuse is that a leg injury temporarily incapacitated him. It is not clear whether this results from recent events or is a recurring war wound. However, sympathetic onlookers are confused by his tendency to alternate the limping leg. And MALCOLM PERSAUD swears blind that that both legs appeared to be operating normally when he parted from him at lunch time - in the pub. There's a clue in there somewhere.

Many delegates are wondering why FRANK THE PLANK PEMBERTON bothered to come back here at all. Few remember the aged Lothario and those that do don't like him. In fact FRANK'S come to tout for support for his GOLD BADGE - don't miss the vote when it comes up. PEMBERTON'S only claim to fame is that he is the only member who has taken both CPSA and PTC to court.

DAVID STEAD (DWP Newcastle) was election agent for a Socialist Alliance (a minor TROT front) candidate in Newcastle. Due to his sterling work the candidate won a magnificent 31 votes.

NOOKS AND CRANNIES
By Barrabas

SEAN FAHEY (IR) was awakened in the BRIGHTON HOTEL last night to find a large insect sucking blood from him. Unfortunately, the bedbug was attached to his penis. His agonised cries could be heard in Hove….

speaking of which (Hove that is), WEATHERSPOONS (below left) has an outlet there. I mention this because the PFL debriefing watering hole of the same name in Brighton was DRUNK DRY yesterday by hordes of thirsty PFL and YORKSHIRE SOVIET cadres celebrating lunchtime. The management of the pub were warned last Saturday to stock up well, as we have experienced such problems in the past, but took no notice. Cadres including the Hull Forest Republic, led by RICHARD HALFPENNY and the PFL Firestarter Brigade led by Col. HARDING were obliged to drink the local RED WINE, as further supplies of strong drink is not expected until this Saturday. Serious thought is being given to requisitioning taxis to transport the heroic troops to Hove, as it would still be cheaper than paying the outrageously inflated prices charged by nearby drinking establishments.

Svengali JAYSON DROSS informs me that since we printed his mobile phone number, nobody has phoned Damian CARR. To assist you to contact him, he can be emailed via his “PCS Progress Online” website http://www.members.tripod.co.uk/pcsprogress/index.html.

What do we think about PCS Culture & Organisation? An excellent suggestion.

WHAT WE STAND FOR

The Popular Front for the Liberation of the CPSA has been in existence for 24 years and is a democratic and open organisation which supports no political faction within PCS but fights to expose manoeuvring and hypocrisy wherever they occur and from whichever clique. We also keep a close eye on how the members subs are (mis)spent. We fight for the following list of demands. Note that our earlier demands have been met in whole or in part.

Replacement of the NEC with a Revolutionary Command Council

The abolition of all forms of balloting and its replacement with the Popular Will of the Masses (Also applies to "electoral colleges")

Conference to be held in a place beginning with "B" (transitional demand met in full)

Biennial Delegate Conference to be held in Beirut

One Civil Service Union (partially met)

Full support for the Islamic Left

Return the Albanian gold (met)

End the stranglehold of the Catholic Action group

Replace Whitleyism with armed struggle

No alcohol to be consumed while Conference is in session, or at all

The Islamic Left - “Prayers not Politics”

A108 Oppose
Without the small businessman, where would Britain be today? Whilst their motives may not be our own, the Employer has lifted the dead hand of Bureaucracy in this area and provided opportunities for legitimate commercial gain. We urge all brothers to OPPOSE this motion, despite the fact that the Christian National Moderate Group is also opposing it.

A109 Oppose
More nanny state-ism; not to mention lining the pockets of the Lawyers. In any case, it is the duty of every good Moslem to take care of his own safety and those for whom he holds responsibility. Why should the state have any locus in that?

A118 Support
Every man is equal in the eyes of Allah.

A119 Oppose
The branch complains that Performance Pay has been responsible for widening the pay gap between Men and Women. But they fail to address the question of why that is true. It is, of course, no more than we predicted based on the biological facts. Resign this Godless nonsense to History where it belongs.

EM2 Support
Islam is fundamentally anti-racist. Racists are, of course, mostly Christians. However, we do urge delegates to take this issue seriously. Racism and cultural imperialism are the twin weapons of the Zionist controlled Great Satan of America.

A126 Support
Of course, if Women must work at all, the Health Service is an obvious choice. Our real support for this motion, however, is based on the nature of Private Sector involvement. No opportunities here for the small business. The whole thing is owned and controlled by the greedy giant American corporations.

PFLCPSA NEWS - MORE DOSH. NOW!
We've offered plenty of food for thought for anyone wishing to promote our sacred cause. Remember Probationary Hero Status is just a Point of Order away. It is, of course, the duty of seasoned Talibs to explain to newcomers the fundamental eternal truths that the PFL represents. But to answer the really awkward questions, simply direct them to the nearest Imam.

Daily debriefing in WEATHERSPOONS (If you don't know where it is we don't want you there anyway) During Conference hours we will circulate the usual watering holes. Official T-Shirts are now available from Senior Officers, temptingly priced at £10. Costs Continue to Rise so extra large and entirely voluntary donations are desperately needed to ensure daily production.

Please give generously and often. Cash preferred, but cheques made payable to PFLCPSA are acceptable, backed by a current cheque guarantee card. It's safe this year to give donations to the bearded chap with the walking stick, Oxfam suit and appalling snuff habit - he's not drinking. But get a receipt, just to be on the safe side. Remember - we depend on a small number of brave informers who daily risk life and limb to bring you the truth. If you wish to join this select band, simply approach an Imam with an appropriate supplication. This will guarantee your place in Paradise.